In and Out Burgers - Double Double Protein Style

I've gotten really fat. I think I'm the fattest I've ever been. Fat to the point where when I wear my old regular shirts people think they're hipster slim fit metro-sexual shirts. I don't want to be fat and I don't want to be a hipster.

I can't stand it any more. I'm trying to combat the fatness by eating at In & Out Burgers. I know that doesn't sound healthy but the only diet that I've ever had any success with is a low-carb diet and In & Out has the best Protein Style burgers in the world.

Ok, so I know this isn't protein style but I forgot to order it. Ok, I just really wanted bread.

Protein Style is basically a regular burger but instead of buns holding the burger together, it's wrapped with lettuce. It's a weird feeling to eat one. When you grasp the burger your brain is expecting to hold nice soft warm buns but instead you are greeted with cold, slightly moist vegetables. And without the bread sopping up all the juices you are forced to shove as much in your mouth as quickly as possible so you don't lose a single drop of the meaty runoff.

While ordering the burger "Animal Style" (chopped pickles, Thousand Island Dressing, and grilled onions) is not very carb conscious, it is a sacrifice I am willing to make. I figure if I do 20 or so curls with 5 lb dumbbells I'll burn through enough sugars to negate it.

I also wanted fries.

Every In & Out I've been to, no matter the time or location, has a line of cars snaking out of the lot.
At the office, no matter where we are going, if we see that the line is short at In & Out we will always eat there. It's a special place.

The wait is long but well worth it.

Denny's Build Your Own Burger - $7 Rating: (9)

Mark Lim - Growing up as a fat kid sucked. You get made fun of every day for no reason other than your unhealthy obsession for chocolate and KFC gravy. One day I had enough of the taunting and decided to embrace my chubby. I started making a funny face where I squished my head back so all my chins layered like raw bacon. Everyone in school thought it was hilarious.

The problem was that now whenever I saw someone they would ask, "Hey, do that fat face!"  or kids would tell their friends, "That's the guy who makes the fat face! Do it!!!" No girl wants to be with a guy who makes a fat face. Anyway, so the moral of the story is: I actually I don't think I have one. I just wanted to talk about being a fat kid but if there was a lesson it would be: If you are the fat kid, don't do anything like the fat face because it stays with you until you grow old and your are forced to leave town in shame.

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RANT ENDS. BURGER REVIEW BEGINS

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I've never been a fan of Denny's but yesterday changed everything. I received a gift card for Denny's inviting me to try out their new "Build Your Own Burger" so I decided to take my wife to eat there on our anniversary. I think it goes 25 year = Silver, 50 year = Gold, 60 year = Diamond, 3 year = Denny's. Real romantic, right? 

The Burger I built (See what I named it on the next picture)

So the first thing you do when you want to Build Your Own Burger is to take the sheet on your table and check off all the awesomeness you want them to put on it.

I ended up choosing the Beef Patty on a Cheddar Bun with Cheddar Cheese, Sauteed Mushrooms, Grilled Onions, Tomatoes, Mayo, Frisco Sauce, and Onion Tanglers. I named it The OMG LOL Burger. It's actually super fun to pick your toppings. They have interesting ones like Mac'n Cheese, Hasbrowns, and Coleslaw. I was tempted to check everything but my wife gave me the disapproving face.

When my burger arrived I was very excited because it was my creation. I birthed it and named it. It was The OMG LOL burger by Mark Lim and I was proud of it.

The first bite was tasty.

The Cheddar Bun is the way to go. It's got a cheesy flavor and is lubricated enough so it slides down your gullet with ease. I was tempted to do the Grilled Potato Bread but I was happy with my Cheddar Bun. I was also on the fence about the Frisco Sauce. Basically it's thousand island sauce with a little kick. Next time I might try the Chipotle Sauce with Jalapenos. I almost ordered an absolute crazy burger with Hashbrowns, Mac 'n Cheese, a Fried Egg, Coleslaw, Chili, and Avocado but decided to get something a little normal for my first time around.

This burger was probably the best burger I've had all year. It looked great, it tasted great, and messy as hell just the way I like it. The only thing was they forgot to put on the Onion Tanglers but that's ok. It was pretty massive anyway.

 

The innards.

This trip to Denny's changed everything for me. There's now something that I crave and want to go back and eat. The Build Your Own Burger at Denny's is fun and tastes great. You should definitely check it out.

Oh, next time I want a Double Beef Patty, Cheddar Bun, Cheddar Cheese, Sauteed Mushroom, Grilled Onions, Tomato, Chipotle Sauce, Jalapenos, Hash Browns, Onion Tanglers, Mac 'n Cheese, Fire-Roasted Peppers and Onions, Chili, and Avocado burger. If they let me. Mmmm...

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. Southwest Patty Melt 6 Dollar Burger - $5 Rating: (8.5)

Mark Lim -

I hated going to Raging waters as a kid because it meant I had to spend the entire day shirtless in front of other people. Not only that, but there was this one kid in my daycare that always wanted to pinch my nipples and that became increasingly awkward.

One of my worst memories of that horrid place was the time when I came to a screeching halt in the middle of one of the tallest slides in the park. I guess the steady stream of water that's supposed to shoot you out of the tube like a bullet wasn't strong enough and when the dried out sections of my fat flab made contact with the plastic I came to a complete stop. Imagine someone throwing a ham down a flight of stairs and then it getting stuck half way down.

I tried my hardest to shimmy my way out but the friction caused by my fat was too much for me to overcome. No one noticed that I didn't come out of the other side so they sent a large woman down the tube and she eventually did a full force super drop kick on my back launching us both into a tailspin till we became a mangled ball of flesh splashing out at the bottom. That sucked.

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RANT ENDS. BURGER REVIEW BEGINS

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Today I decided to increase my fatness and relive childhood memories with Carl's newest Burger: The Southwest Patty Melt 6 Dollar Burger

They had a special promotion today where they were giving away a free Oreo Cookie Ice Cream Sandwich. It was like I won a chocolaty lottery.

The burger was quite a surprise. The star of the show was the ultra flavorful and liberally slathered Santa Fe sauce. It tasted very smokey and ethnic in a good way. It almost felt a little more Asian/Middle Eastern because the sauce had a curry-ish finish that I found really interesting and thoroughly enjoyed.

The mild jalapenos gave the burger that extra kick and crunch wile the soft buttery sourdough bread cradled everything together. I could have used a little more grilled onion though but other than that I was pleased.

I usually go through the drive though when I plan to take pictures for my blog but the line was packed with cars so I decided to eat my meal inside. I tried to sit in the very back of the restaurant so I wouldn't bother anyone but when I started taking pictures of the burger a I overheard a loud man saying, "Look at that guy over there. He's taking pictures of his burger. Who does that? What's he going to do, send it to someone? Who really want's to see a picture of his burger?"

I looked at him and responded, "I write for a food blog. I actually get paid to do something I love." Now, he doesn't have to know that I only make $3 a day but I wanted to make him feel like an ass.

It did upset me a little and make me feel self conscious about taking pictures for my blog in public to the point where I wanted to pack everything up and leave but I decided it was important for me to stay and finish. I really should have taken a picture of him and posted it on here.

Carl's Jr. Southwest Patty Melt 6 Dollar Burger

Taste -------------(9) That Sante Fe sauce was unique

Presentation -----(8) Looked ok. Not like the ad though

Price ------------- (7) $5 is getting pretty close to $6

Quantity --------- (8) The meat was fat and the sauce was plentiful

Satisfaction ----- (9) One of my new favorites.

Rating: 8.5 out of 10

Carl's is the leader of innovation in the world of Fast Food. They'll put anything on a burger to get you to buy one. Sometimes it's a hit and sometimes it's a miss but the Southwest Patty Melt is definitely a winner for me.

Till next time,

Be Fat! Be Happy!

McDonald's Chipotle BBQ Bacon Angus Burger - $4.98 Rating (8)

Mark Lim

- When I hear the someone say "McDonald's" I always picture a fat little butterball with his arm stretched out into the sky, Big Mac in hand, gasping for air as he slowly sinks into a filthy ball pit to meet his untimely demise. Worst. Death. Ever.

Did McDonald's make me fat?

Being a fat kid sucked. If you add being the only Asian in your entire elementary school and junior high then it a becomes traumatic. All the teasing did teach me how to adapt and would probably serve me well if I ever went to prison or was ever sent to Pandora to blend in with the Na'vi so I could steal their unobtanium. Still, the constant ridicule was horrible and I don't recommend fattening your children or making them Asian to build their character.

McDonald's isn't to blame for our country's obesity. I was the reason why I was a fat kid and I'm the reason why they'll have to chop off my foot when I get old. We need to learn self control and pass it on to our children if we ever want to see a change. Anyway, I'm done ranting. Time to fatten up!

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RANT ENDS. BURGER REVIEW BEGINS

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Everything now has chipotle in it. I have no clue what chipotle is but I assume it's just a word white people add in front of anything to Mexicanize it.

McDonald's has joined the bandwagon and has now come up with the Chipotle BBQ Bacon Burger.

The real burger actually kinda looks like the burger in the advertisement.

It's actually a surprise to me but McDonald's is one of the few fast food restaurants that consistently make good looking burgers. Carl's and Burger King's burgers usually look nothing like their advertisements but McDonald's has pretty good quality control.

As you can see the bacon looks good, there is sufficient onion, the cheese quantity is generous, and the BBQ chipotle sauce is placed not only on the top bun but also on the bottom. It is a surprisingly well crafted burger.

My bacon runneth over.

I actually got my scale out because I was curious about how much the burger actually weighed. 11oz is pretty decent. That's 0.68 pounds.

McDonald's Chipotle BBQ Bacon Angus Burger

Taste -------------(7) Bacon was crispy-ish. Sauce wasn't overpowering

Presentation -----(8) McDonald's makes good looking burgers

Price ------------- (6) $4.98 is about the average for a premium burger

Quantity --------- (6) The diameter was large but it could have been built higher

Satisfaction ----- (9) I was quite full after my meal and enjoyed myself

Rating: 8 out of 10

The one comment I have is that I didn't really taste the chipotle. It just kind of tasted like regular old BBQ sauce. I still enjoyed the burger and I will most likely return to try the others. I've actually had the McDonald's Angus Mushroom Burger and it was pretty good. You can read the review here: Angus Mushroom Burger

Till then,

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Arby's Roast Beef MAX - $4.98 Rating (3)

Mark Lim - When I was young the thought of piles of juicy thin sliced roast beef from Arby's drove me insane. I have many fond memories of my parents taking me there, and now that I think of it, that was probably the reason I was such a fat ass. The French Dip sub was my absolute favorite. I would sop up every last bit of au jus and savor every morsel by licking the dipping cup completely dry. There was no shame in tonguing the bottom rim for droplets of beef drippings.

It had been years since I've eaten at Arby's and with all the news about how red meat turns your body into a living corpse, I decided to go there and indulge in it's much safer and healthier cousin, gray meat.

This is the monstrous failure that is the Arby's MAX.

I am so sad. My childhood memories of dancing on roast beef island are now sullied by massive disappointment. Maybe it's because I now live in an podunk town with no understanding of quality control or maybe Arby's has just grown suckier over time.

I thought the crap food might have been an isolated indecent and that maybe, just maybe, if I went back for a French Dip Sub, all those memories of increasing my childhood obesity would come flooding back.

So I went back the next day and while I did end up licking the dipping cup I still came to the conclusion that Arby's is horrible and nowhere near as good as I remembered.

I am truly hurt and I probably will never eat at Arby's again unless they come out with something amazing or send me free burger coupons to try and win me back.

Arby's Roast Beef MAX

Taste ------------ (4) Boring pile of gray meat on a bun
Presentation -----(2) Unappetizing and depressing
Price ------------- (3) Definitely not worth $5
Quantity --------- (4) Tasted old and looked like zombie meat
Satisfaction ----- (3) There was a lot of it but I didn't want it.

Rating: 3 out of 10

I have a video of myself eating the burger and I might post that later when I have some time to edit. Until then:

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Five Guys - Double Cheese Burger with EVERYTHING - $6.00

Mark Lim - What does "Five Guys" mean? Did five guys start the chain? Can only five guys be in the establishment at once or it becomes a fire hazard? Is it code for some sort of homosexual eatery?

The name is still a mystery to me because I am too lazy to Google it.

It didn't matter. I was worn, beaten, and berated all morning and I was determined to make up for all of it during my precious lunch break.

The first thing you notice is the old fashioned diner look with a concise menu and self congratulatory signage all over the walls.

The second thing is the boxes and boxes and boxes of help-yourself-peanuts which I assume are picked at constantly by the homeless.

And finally you have the massive softball sized burgers. If you know me, I had to order EVERYTHING on the list of available savories which included: Mayo, Lettuce, Pickles, Tomatoes, Grilled Onions, Grilled Mushrooms, Ketchup, Mustard, Relish, Onions, Jalapeno Peppers, Green Peppers, A.1. Steak Sauce, BBQ Sauce, and Hot Sauce.

This was actually my second time eating here and I was very disappointed the first time. The burger didn't taste very meaty and tasted more like a backyard BBQ style burger that I would make at home.

The second time however, was awesome. I don't know what made it better but it just tasted different to me. I still have an issue with it not being as meaty as I'd like but my second visit was much more enjoyable.

The burger exploded but it was pretty darn good. I'm still not quite used to the fries since they're thick and cooked in peanut oil and lack that familiar salty oily goodness you get at most fast-food joints.

Another thing that impressed me was the choice of Cajun Fries and the extra scoop they put in your bag to top off your order. I always love to have those extra jibs floating around at the bottom of the bag after you think you're out of them.
Five Guys - Double Cheeseburger with EVERYTHING
Taste ------------ (8) So much stuff. Probably won't get the green peppers next time
Presentation ---(9) Packed from bun to bun
Price ------------- (9) $6 = Great value burger + unlimited nuts
Availability ----- (6) I think it's just a west coast thing
Quantity --------- (9) A lot of bang for your buck
Satisfaction ----- (8) Great burgers. I'll have to try the hotdog

Rating: 8 out of 10

Wonderful place if you haven't tried it out. I went there again last night just to give the Cajun Fries a second shot. Still not into it but the burgers are superb.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Ramsey Burger #2 - Burger and Fries Combo ($5.99)

Mark Lim - Some of the best tasting burgers come from small mom and pop shops. Maybe it's the extra care they put into each dish or maybe it's the unregulated sanitary conditions which allow the savory melding of sweat, grease, and rat droppings. Who really knows?

There aren't many good family owned burger places near my house but I've found a nice little place called Ramsey Burger #2 which I eat at on occasion.

It's location is unfortunately sandwiched between a Food 4 Less which is a supermarket that sells terrible knock offs of knock offs and a martial arts dojo filled with angry people kicking things.

Their burgers are smothered with dressing which I really enjoy and compliment the rest of the flavors. The patties are a little thin but their burgers taste pretty good.



I chat with the owner's son about their weekend special menudo which I am looking forward to trying if I ever get a day off on a Sunday. He pours me a little hot sauce from a bottle and tells me to dip my fries in it. It made my eyes water but fills me with the adventurous spirit of a conquistador.

After being surrounded by McDonald's, Burger Kings, Carl's Jrs, and Jack in the Box I forget how nice it is to eat at a place where I'm not treated like a number by a jaded 16 year old mother of two.

Ramsey Burger #2 is a great little place and it's my personal local burger joint. I look forward to eating their till I miss my mortgage payments.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. Hand Breaded Chicken Fillet Sandwich ($5.00)

Mark Lim - The new Carl's Jr. commercial uses Leonardo DiCaprio like inception to plant the idea in our heads that other fast food companies employ heartless terminators to assemble bread and lifeless cow parts with their cold dead hands.

They want their "Hand Breaded" chicken fillet sandwiches to invoke images of grandma dipping succulent chicken breasts in a homemade batter, waiting patiently till it fries into a crispy perfect golden brown mound of awesome.

But after what I saw at Carl's Jr. yesterday, I'd prefer if machines made my food.

When I got to Carl's I opted out of going through the drive through just so I could watch them "hand bread" my chicken.

I asked, "Do you really hand bread the chicken?" They said yes.

I asked, "Can I watch?" They said it would be ready in 6 minutes and shooed me away.

Other customers began to trickle in so I strategically stood in spot where I could spy the whole chicken breading process. I watched a hairy glove-less man pull out an already cooked chicken breast from a metal bin and slap together my sandwich like a bitter Ford assembly line worker but with much more fondling.

There was no "Hand Breading" or gentle grandma like love in the whole process. I was very sad. I had hopes that my sandwich would be prepared with craftsmanship and heart like the commercial promised but was only met with prison cafeteria efficiency.

The sandwich tasted old and dry, probably because the special sauce looked like it was applied with a Q-tip.

Carl's Jr. - "Hand Breaded" Chicken Fillet Sandwich

Taste ------------ (4) Dry and bland and tough.
Presentation ---(6) Not bad but if it were made by a robot it'd be better
Price ------------- (6) $5 = Chicken hand breaded who knows when
Availability ----- (9) Carl's is everywhere
Quantity --------- (7) Decent sized
Satisfaction ----- (4) Sad. Very sad.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Say what you want about robots but they are consistent and don't touch their face when making your sandwich. Would I get this sandwich again? No, but ask me again in 2025.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

In & Out - Double Double

Mark Lim - To All Fast Food Companies: Yes, my curiosity is perked when you top your burger with bleu cheese, portabello mushrooms, pineapples, clams, tripe, sushi, and soak it all in au jus, but you'll never make a good burger if you can't get the basics right.

In & Out's menu is as simple as it gets because they've focused all their talents into one thing: Making a good burger. They have the best quality control when it comes to Fast Food. Their burgers are juicy, flavorful and In & Out is pretty awesome when you're talking about consistency.

Here's a video of me eating a Double Double. I stopped by my dad's dry cleaners to run his shop for the day and he got me lunch. It got a little busy so the burger sat out for about half an hour so it wasn't as good as it normally was, but that was my fault. Enjoy.

In & Out: Double Double

Taste ------------ (9) Great patties, lettuce always good, awesome sauce

Presentation -----(7) Usually pretty good, I let this one sit out for a while though

Price ------------- (9) $3 is a good price for a Double Double

Quantity --------- (7) A pretty big burger for the price

Satisfaction ----- (8) I love me some In & Out

Rating: 9 out of 10

The Double Double is probably the burger I most frequently eat. There's just something comforting about it. I can always count on getting a good quality burger from In & Out.

Be Fat! Be Happy!