Thursday, July 3, 2008

The Carl's Jr. Prime Rib Burger ($4.19)

Mark Lim - When I saw this burger on TV I had a new reason to live. I would get up every morning and ask myself, "Is it time? Is it time to make my burger dreams come true?" I was never more disappointed in my life.

How I pictured my Carl's Jr. Prime Rib Burger:

What it actually looked like:

Wow. There is no Santa Clause.

Most places don't serve their super burgers till 10:30am so I showed up at Carl's Jr. at 10:15am so I would get the first one off the line. When I opened the wrapper my hands became covered in "mystery juice". The burger was flat, chewy, and had the sting of too much horseradish.

I had to force this down

I opened up my burger to see what had been causing the leak and found a violent crime scene of meat. The juice sprayed like it was spitting at me.

The grilled onions were a nice touch but it wasn't enough to save this disaster. They had put way too much horseradish and it was like a punch in the face.

The prime rib was interesting. I thought the whole burger was prime rib but the burger patty just wore it like a hat.

It was hard to look at and even harder to eat. Even though it was covered in juice it was still difficult to swallow. I was pissed.

Carl's Jr. Prime Rib Burger:
Calories - 1060 - Fat - 70g - Sodium - 2940mg - Carbs - 45g

This is one of the most unhealthy things on planet Earth. I wanted to go to the doctor's after eating it.

Taste ------------- (2) No good. No good. Man, no good.
Presentation -----(1) Wow. It was ugly.
Price ------------- (3) $4.19 for this is just criminal
Availability ----- (8) They're everywhere. Stay away.
Quantity --------- (2) Sooo flat
Satisfaction ----- (1) Grossest thing I've eaten in a while

My burger dreams were crushed. Now when I see the TV commercials all I feel is hate. They're tricking you. They're stealing your money. The fat cats at Carl's Jr. are laughing at you. I am this close *makes a tiny gesture with index finger and thumb* to never eating there again. Someone please make a burger that looks and tastes like the picture.
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