Homemade Sushi

Mark Lim - Some people say that American blood flows through my Asian veins.

Yes, I married a white woman.

Yes, I own two chihuahuas and don't plan to eat them.

Yes, I put mayonnaise on everything, even my sushi.


I've tried to Americanize sushi before and failed miserably. (Read here) Now I know that hot dogs, bacon, and Hormel chili do not make good fillers for rice and dried seaweed.

This time I tried a more traditional approach. The first thing I did was purchase discount cooked shrimp at the local Food4Less. The trick is to look for the package that has the most stickers on it that say "Buy this now and it eat it fast because if you wait too long to eat it you will probably die. Here's $2 off. - Seafood Department Manager"

After that, I put some mayo and Saracha hot sauce in a food processor with the shrimp and blend it all to make the awesome filling.

Next, I just take the sushi rice (rice with rice wine vinegar/sugar/salt) and spread it on the "Nori" or seaweed paper, place the shrimp filling in the middle, roll it up, and cut it into small pieces.

It's actually pretty easy. Hopefully next time I will be using raw salmon but I'm a little scared to buy fish at the local craphole supermarket and eat it raw.

Anyway, Be Fat! Be Happy!

Lazy Man's Kogi Truck Homemade Tacos

Mark Lim - I remember when buying food out of a truck either meant you were poor or you weren't wearing a shirt that day so you couldn't eat inside a restaurant.

Now it's the ultra hipster thing to do like buying storage lockers at an auction or occupying the streets of the white man.

I've never actually eaten out of the truck because I rarely leave the house anymore but the one everyone always talks about is the Kogi Truck.

The Kogi Truck combines the powerful communist secret flavors of North Koreans with the large hat wearing culture of the Mexicans and their version of a flat bread called a "corn tortilla."

Last week, for the first time ever, I saw an Asian man married to a Mexican woman and I believe this is where the idea of the Kogi Truck was born.

Now, I'm too poor to drive to LA and hunt down a truck just for a couple tacos so I decided to make my own this evening replacing all the ingredients with crap in my pantry.

It didn't look that good but it actually was awesome.

1 Chunk of mystery meat that was in the fridge
3 Squirrel sized handfuls of mayonnaise
2 Drip drops of rice wine vinegar
3 Bushels of brown sugar and soy sauce
4 Shot glasses of cabbage
2 Squeezes of Sirachi's hot sauce
4 Corn Tortillas (Mexican version of bread)

All I did was create a marinade with the brown sugar and soy sauce and let the mystery meat soak in there for a while. Then I created a slaw with the mayo and cabbage and drizzled sugar and rice wine vinegar to taste.

Then I cooked the meat in the pan, fried up the tortilla, and put the slaw on top with a little Sirachi's hot sauce and there you have it!

Poor man's Kogi Tacos.

Be Fat! Be Happy!
4 Corn Tortillas

Homemade Pizza

Mark Lim - Been making pizza almost every day trying to get it right, improving with each build. This is a 4th generation version 2.0 pie. I will be the Chinese Steve Jobs of pizza.

Five Guys - Double Cheese Burger with EVERYTHING - $6.00

Mark Lim - What does "Five Guys" mean? Did five guys start the chain? Can only five guys be in the establishment at once or it becomes a fire hazard? Is it code for some sort of homosexual eatery?

The name is still a mystery to me because I am too lazy to Google it.

It didn't matter. I was worn, beaten, and berated all morning and I was determined to make up for all of it during my precious lunch break.

The first thing you notice is the old fashioned diner look with a concise menu and self congratulatory signage all over the walls.

The second thing is the boxes and boxes and boxes of help-yourself-peanuts which I assume are picked at constantly by the homeless.

And finally you have the massive softball sized burgers. If you know me, I had to order EVERYTHING on the list of available savories which included: Mayo, Lettuce, Pickles, Tomatoes, Grilled Onions, Grilled Mushrooms, Ketchup, Mustard, Relish, Onions, Jalapeno Peppers, Green Peppers, A.1. Steak Sauce, BBQ Sauce, and Hot Sauce.

This was actually my second time eating here and I was very disappointed the first time. The burger didn't taste very meaty and tasted more like a backyard BBQ style burger that I would make at home.

The second time however, was awesome. I don't know what made it better but it just tasted different to me. I still have an issue with it not being as meaty as I'd like but my second visit was much more enjoyable.

The burger exploded but it was pretty darn good. I'm still not quite used to the fries since they're thick and cooked in peanut oil and lack that familiar salty oily goodness you get at most fast-food joints.

Another thing that impressed me was the choice of Cajun Fries and the extra scoop they put in your bag to top off your order. I always love to have those extra jibs floating around at the bottom of the bag after you think you're out of them.

Five Guys - Double Cheeseburger with EVERYTHING

Taste ------------ (8) So much stuff. Probably won't get the green peppers next time
Presentation ---(9) Packed from bun to bun
Price ------------- (9) $6 = Great value burger + unlimited nuts
Availability ----- (6) I think it's just a west coast thing
Quantity --------- (9) A lot of bang for your buck
Satisfaction ----- (8) Great burgers. I'll have to try the hotdog

Rating: 8 out of 10

Wonderful place if you haven't tried it out. I went there again last night just to give the Cajun Fries a second shot. Still not into it but the burgers are superb.

Be Fat! Be Happy!