Oh So Fat! (Fast Food Hamburger Reviews)

Homemade Sushi

2012-01-08T08:40:00.001-08:00

Mark Lim - Some people say that American blood flows through my Asian veins.

Yes, I married a white woman.

Yes, I own two chihuahuas and don't plan to eat them.

Yes, I put mayonnaise on everything, even my sushi.

I've tried to Americanize sushi before and failed miserably. (Read here) Now I know that hot dogs, bacon, and Hormel chili do not make good fillers for rice and dried seaweed.

This time I tried a more traditional approach. The first thing I did was purchase discount cooked shrimp at the local Food4Less. The trick is to look for the package that has the most stickers on it that say "Buy this now and it eat it fast because if you wait too long to eat it you will probably die. Here's $2 off. - Seafood Department Manager"

After that, I put some mayo and Saracha hot sauce in a food processor with the shrimp and blend it all to make the awesome filling.

Next, I just take the sushi rice (rice with rice wine vinegar/sugar/salt) and spread it on the "Nori" or seaweed paper, place the shrimp filling in the middle, roll it up, and cut it into small pieces.

It's actually pretty easy. Hopefully next time I will be using raw salmon but I'm a little scared to buy fish at the local craphole supermarket and eat it raw.

Anyway, Be Fat! Be Happy!

Lazy Man's Kogi Truck Homemade Tacos

2011-11-22T20:18:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - I remember when buying food out of a truck either meant you were poor or you weren't wearing a shirt that day so you couldn't eat inside a restaurant.

Now it's the ultra hipster thing to do like buying storage lockers at an auction or occupying the streets of the white man.

I've never actually eaten out of the truck because I rarely leave the house anymore but the one everyone always talks about is the Kogi Truck.

The Kogi Truck combines the powerful communist secret flavors of North Koreans with the large hat wearing culture of the Mexicans and their version of a flat bread called a "corn tortilla."

Last week, for the first time ever, I saw an Asian man married to a Mexican woman and I believe this is where the idea of the Kogi Truck was born.

Now, I'm too poor to drive to LA and hunt down a truck just for a couple tacos so I decided to make my own this evening replacing all the ingredients with crap in my pantry.

It didn't look that good but it actually was awesome.

1 Chunk of mystery meat that was in the fridge
3 Squirrel sized handfuls of mayonnaise
2 Drip drops of rice wine vinegar
3 Bushels of brown sugar and soy sauce
4 Shot glasses of cabbage
2 Squeezes of Sirachi's hot sauce
4 Corn Tortillas (Mexican version of bread)

All I did was create a marinade with the brown sugar and soy sauce and let the mystery meat soak in there for a while. Then I created a slaw with the mayo and cabbage and drizzled sugar and rice wine vinegar to taste.

Then I cooked the meat in the pan, fried up the tortilla, and put the slaw on top with a little Sirachi's hot sauce and there you have it!

Poor man's Kogi Tacos.

Be Fat! Be Happy!
4 Corn Tortillas

Homemade Pizza

2011-11-21T18:22:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Been making pizza almost every day trying to get it right, improving with each build. This is a 4th generation version 2.0 pie. I will be the Chinese Steve Jobs of pizza.

Five Guys - Double Cheese Burger with EVERYTHING - $6.00

2011-08-19T00:03:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - What does "Five Guys" mean? Did five guys start the chain? Can only five guys be in the establishment at once or it becomes a fire hazard? Is it code for some sort of homosexual eatery?

The name is still a mystery to me because I am too lazy to Google it.

It didn't matter. I was worn, beaten, and berated all morning and I was determined to make up for all of it during my precious lunch break.

The first thing you notice is the old fashioned diner look with a concise menu and self congratulatory signage all over the walls.

The second thing is the boxes and boxes and boxes of help-yourself-peanuts which I assume are picked at constantly by the homeless.

And finally you have the massive softball sized burgers. If you know me, I had to order EVERYTHING on the list of available savories which included: Mayo, Lettuce, Pickles, Tomatoes, Grilled Onions, Grilled Mushrooms, Ketchup, Mustard, Relish, Onions, Jalapeno Peppers, Green Peppers, A.1. Steak Sauce, BBQ Sauce, and Hot Sauce.

This was actually my second time eating here and I was very disappointed the first time. The burger didn't taste very meaty and tasted more like a backyard BBQ style burger that I would make at home.

The second time however, was awesome. I don't know what made it better but it just tasted different to me. I still have an issue with it not being as meaty as I'd like but my second visit was much more enjoyable.

The burger exploded but it was pretty darn good. I'm still not quite used to the fries since they're thick and cooked in peanut oil and lack that familiar salty oily goodness you get at most fast-food joints.

Another thing that impressed me was the choice of Cajun Fries and the extra scoop they put in your bag to top off your order. I always love to have those extra jibs floating around at the bottom of the bag after you think you're out of them.

Five Guys - Double Cheeseburger with EVERYTHING

Taste ------------ (8) So much stuff. Probably won't get the green peppers next time
Presentation ---(9) Packed from bun to bun
Price ------------- (9) $6 = Great value burger + unlimited nuts
Availability ----- (6) I think it's just a west coast thing
Quantity --------- (9) A lot of bang for your buck
Satisfaction ----- (8) Great burgers. I'll have to try the hotdog

Rating: 8 out of 10

Wonderful place if you haven't tried it out. I went there again last night just to give the Cajun Fries a second shot. Still not into it but the burgers are superb.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Weird Sushi

2011-08-09T19:48:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - When the celestial bodies of boredom, the Food Network, and a fridge full of junk magically align it can produce a whole lot of weird.

So today, on my day off, I was watching Chopped on the Food Network and decided to build the weirdest snack I could from my fridge. I would like to introduce to you:

1) Bacon and String Cheese Sushi Rolls
2) Hot Dog and Chili Sushi Rolls
3) Hot Dog and String Cheese Sushi Rolls

The Bacon and String Cheese ones were ok and so was the hot dog but I think I totally missed the mark when I tried to add Hormel chili, lol.

Oh well, I guess I would have been chopped.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

What's been in my mouth?

2011-08-07T08:12:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Mmm unhealthy eating! I started the week trying to eat better (e.g. yogurt, peaches, bananas, other crap) but ended it with a all out passionate prime rib buffet brawl at Morongo Casino.

My body has been craving fruit instead of sour gummy worms and fancy cakes lately which has helped me with my energy levels but has taken a toll on my fatty blogging.

That's why I decided to treat myself to the rocking all you can eat Saturday night buffet at Portofinos inside Morongo Casino

Getting ready to stuff the face

The Prime Rib Buffet is normally $18.95 but you get a $2 discount with a players club card which makes it almost affordable. The food and selection is pretty good but I usually have to aim for about 4-5 plates like this to get my money's worth.

On Monday Nights they have the $10.95 Mexican Buffet which is an amazing deal because the only difference is they don't have prime rib and crab legs but you'll have to wait about 20-30 minutes in line along with the other cheapskates.

This is the horrible pant load I normally have to eat from 7-Eleven when I'm at work. On Tuesdays Go-Go Taquitos are 75 Cents and Hot Dogs are about $2. Pretty disgusting but you can't beat that price and the walking distance.

My plans for the future is to bring a sandwich to work or something really simple so we can save money and have a nice dinner out at least once a week so I can keep blogging.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Homemade Sushi and Tempura

2011-08-02T21:03:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - How dedicated I am to eating fatty hamburgers and writing reviews about them? So dedicated that I split my pants at Walmart today. -->

Yes, the fat has won and has destroyed my favorite pair of jeans. The worst part is that I'm at a stage in my life where I really don't care about myself and I debated if I should continue shopping with my new thigh vent instead of going home and changing.

Sanity was able to take control and I quickly went home to put on a pair of baggy loose fitting shorts.

The purpose of the outing, before my crotch exploded, was to surprise my wife with a special dinner. I've been trying to get more vegetables into my system and figured deep frying would give me the best odds of not throwing them back up.

I decided to pick up some zucchinis, string beans, and sweet potatoes to make vegetable tempura out of. I also saw some discount shrimp and figured I couldn't pass up $4 a pound.

It's pretty hard to get sushi grade fish in our town but I figured I could still make California Rolls and throw some shrimp tempura inside.

Walmart actually had a decent selection of international food and had everything I needed to make my surprise dinner.

Secret Dynamite Sauce - Mayonnaise mixed with Sriracha "Rooster" sauce

Next time I'll make a video of myself rolling the sushi. They're not perfect but they're edible. I'm still learning how to cook and trying to get it into my thick skull that measuring things isn't a waste of time. You really can't eyeball something if you have no clue what you are doing.

The wife loved it or at least was being nice. A win for me either way.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Ramsey Burger #2 - Burger and Fries Combo ($5.99)

2011-07-28T11:47:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Some of the best tasting burgers come from small mom and pop shops. Maybe it's the extra care they put into each dish or maybe it's the unregulated sanitary conditions which allow the savory melding of sweat, grease, and rat droppings. Who really knows?

There aren't many good family owned burger places near my house but I've found a nice little place called Ramsey Burger #2 which I eat at on occasion.

It's location is unfortunately sandwiched between a Food 4 Less which is a supermarket that sells terrible knock offs of knock offs and a martial arts dojo filled with angry people kicking things.

Their burgers are smothered with dressing which I really enjoy and compliment the rest of the flavors. The patties are a little thin but their burgers taste pretty good.

I chat with the owner's son about their weekend special menudo which I am looking forward to trying if I ever get a day off on a Sunday. He pours me a little hot sauce from a bottle and tells me to dip my fries in it. It made my eyes water but fills me with the adventurous spirit of a conquistador.

After being surrounded by McDonald's, Burger Kings, Carl's Jrs, and Jack in the Box I forget how nice it is to eat at a place where I'm not treated like a number by a jaded 16 year old mother of two.

Ramsey Burger #2 is a great little place and it's my personal local burger joint. I look forward to eating their till I miss my mortgage payments.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. Hand Breaded Chicken Fillet Sandwich ($5.00)

2011-07-25T20:44:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - The new Carl's Jr. commercial uses Leonardo DiCaprio like inception to plant the idea in our heads that other fast food companies employ heartless terminators to assemble bread and lifeless cow parts with their cold dead hands.

They want their "Hand Breaded" chicken fillet sandwiches to invoke images of grandma dipping succulent chicken breasts in a homemade batter, waiting patiently till it fries into a crispy perfect golden brown mound of awesome.

But after what I saw at Carl's Jr. yesterday, I'd prefer if machines made my food.

When I got to Carl's I opted out of going through the drive through just so I could watch them "hand bread" my chicken.

I asked, "Do you really hand bread the chicken?" They said yes.

I asked, "Can I watch?" They said it would be ready in 6 minutes and shooed me away.

Other customers began to trickle in so I strategically stood in spot where I could spy the whole chicken breading process. I watched a hairy glove-less man pull out an already cooked chicken breast from a metal bin and slap together my sandwich like a bitter Ford assembly line worker but with much more fondling.

There was no "Hand Breading" or gentle grandma like love in the whole process. I was very sad. I had hopes that my sandwich would be prepared with craftsmanship and heart like the commercial promised but was only met with prison cafeteria efficiency.

The sandwich tasted old and dry, probably because the special sauce looked like it was applied with a Q-tip.

Carl's Jr. - "Hand Breaded" Chicken Fillet Sandwich

Taste ------------ (4) Dry and bland and tough.
Presentation ---(6) Not bad but if it were made by a robot it'd be better
Price ------------- (6) $5 = Chicken hand breaded who knows when
Availability ----- (9) Carl's is everywhere
Quantity --------- (7) Decent sized
Satisfaction ----- (4) Sad. Very sad.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Say what you want about robots but they are consistent and don't touch their face when making your sandwich. Would I get this sandwich again? No, but ask me again in 2025.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Taco Bell - Beefy Crunch Burrito ($0.99)

2011-05-02T14:28:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Ok, this one isn't really a blog but Flaming Hot Fritos inside a beefy cheese burrito for 99 cents? Pretty awesome.

Anything that crumbles chips and makes them into a main ingredient has my attention. Here's some pictures of the Taco Bell Beefy Crunchy Burrito. I hope this one becomes permanent.

It Has Come to This - Peanut Butter and Mayo Song

2010-11-23T10:32:00.000-08:00

Mark - I've been very unhealthy and poor lately so I haven't been able to buy fancy burgers. I'm on a new P90x workout program cause my chins are starting to slap together but here's the kind of horrible meals I've been forced to eat while broke and fat.

Filipino Food - Deep Fried Intestines

2010-08-30T14:28:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - It's that awkward transition from sharp crunchy bits into soft oily chewy mush that makes it so special. Deep fried intestines anyone?

Filipinos call this gout inducing dish chicharon bituka and I always have a craving for it whenever I go to a Turo-Turo style restaurant.

Turo-Turo literally means "point-point" and is similar to the ordering style of a Panda Express or the pre-cooked dinner section at your local supermarket which I used to refer to as the "Lonely Single Man's Restaurant."

Deep Fried Intestines of Random Animal

Mmm... Gout Inducing...

For my second pick I always order the longaniza which is cured sausage wrapped in MORE intestines. It's bright red and has a sweet flavor which I think compliments organ meats and intestines.

I don't know if it's typical for someone to order like this since I think Filipinos consider the deep fried intestines and the longaniza both side dishes. I think it'd be like me ordering a bowl of rice served with french fries and mashed potatoes. Hmm... actually that sounds kind of good.

Up close and personal with what once carried bile.

It's not for everyone. It's a greasy chewy crunchy delight that once housed the processed food of the animal it was stripped from but I love it. Go try some :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Aloha Mixed Plate (Hawaii) Rating: 9

2010-06-28T21:55:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Hey guys! It's been a while I know. They weighed me at the doctor's office and I was pretty impressed with my obesity... my doctor was not.

I figured I would take a break, get healthy, and come back with an appetite and the metabolism to back it up. Unfortunately it's not working and I'm still getting fatter so you know what? Screw it. Let's just be fat and happy.

This review is of a place we went to in Hawaii called Aloha Mixed Plate. During our honeymoon we went to all sorts of expensive restaurants in Maui but this small inexpensive place was my favorite. Each meal only cost about $8 and it was right by the beach!

Loco Moco

On our trip I discovered something called Loco Moco. It's just a fried egg and hamburger pattie on top of rice covered with brown gravy. It was amazing. I know it sounds simple and doesn't look very appetizing but it was amazing. I tried making it at home and it just wasn't the same. It's probably because I used crappy Good Value Walmart brand ingredients.

Kalua Pork and Laulau

My next favorite meal was the Kalua Pork and Laulau. I had Kalua Pork at a couple other restaurants but Aloha Mixed Plate had the best. The Laulau was tender and juicy with a hint of banana leaf flavor that really made the meat perfect.

Mark and Loco Moco

Teriyaki Burger

My wife got the Teriyaki Burger which confused me since we were in Hawaii and we could probably picked one up at any Carl's Jr. on the mainland. It definitely wasn't as good as my meals.

Coconut Shrimp

Mmm... Coconut shrimp. These were so light and crispy and came with the perfect sweet and tangy dipping sauce.

If you're ever in Maui you've got to go to Aloha Mixed Plate! Save yourself $50 and eat here instead of that expensive restaurant. Trust me!

I promise I'll blog more now that I've decided that being fat is ok.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Father's Day Dim Sum at Hong Kong Palace

2010-06-23T01:12:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Have you ever seen a white guy eat pork blood cubes? I have. Last Father's Day my wife and I took both our parents and sisters to eat at Hong Kong Palace in Rowland Heights CA. It was quite an experience.

Hong Kong Palace is one of my Asian family's favorite restaurants and I've been there many times in my life and I've actually reviewed it on Oh So Fat before so this blog isn't about the food as much as it is about my new family joining us for one of our favorite Asian traditions.

Our family - Father-in-Law Don, My Dad, Me, Sister Bree, Wife Lauren, Mother-in-Law Brenda, Sister Chelsea, and My Mom

Here are the steaming gelatinous Pork Blood Cubes

My Asian family and I have been going to dim sum for many many years and we have never had the courage to try the pork blood cubes. We would watch people order it from across the restaurant and say things like, "I can't believe they're eating that!"

I really didn't want to order a full bowl because if it was disgusting (and it was) I didn't want a pile of it sitting in the middle of our lazy susan. My father talked to the waitress and got us a little sampler plate for all of us to try. The first victim was my Father-in-Law, Don.

We were all very surprised that he didn't vomit. He said it tasted like liver and that boosted our confidence to the point where we all decided to try it too. Bree was second and she said it wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. Brenda likes liver so she had a tiny piece and said it wasn't that gross either.

I thought I'd try to out do them and eat the biggest chunk. Boy that was a bad idea.

I don't know exactly why it made me gag. I like liver too but this was like eating liver jello. It was pretty disgusting and I could taste it in my mouth for the rest of the day. There's video of me eating it but it cuts out right after I put it in my mouth.

My nephew, Dean, trying to eat some goodies

Other than my pork blood experience our Dim Sum day was great. We had wonderful variety and the opportunity to be culinary adventurous. Both sides had a great time sharing stories and eating different types of Chinese cuisine. It was good old fashioned family fun.

I really hope you guys get a chance to share in this interesting and exciting style of dining. I highly recommend it!

Be Fat! Be Happy

Genki Sushi (Hawaii)- Goodies Served on a Conveyor Belt

2010-06-17T00:12:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Genki Sushi is what I imagine a restaurant would be like on planet Mars. I can picture a young Arnold Schwarzenegger from Total Recall sitting at a booth by the conveyor belt being served sushi by a three breasted mutant.

This place is cool.

If you're still confused, here's a video of how it works:

A sushi chef creates a variety of wonderful Japanese treats and places them on the conveyor belt so they can make a trip around the restaurant and eventually into your mouth.

You can always order straight from the menu but the fun part is waiting to see what random goodies pass by your table.

Each item comes on a colored plate which represents how much the goodie is. For example, the picture above is a spicy tuna roll and since it's on a green plate it only costs $1.50. The "Explosion Roll" bellow is more expensive so it's placed on a black plate which means it costs $5.00.

At the end of the meal your server adds up all your colored plates and gives you a final total. The sushi is real affordable but it's easy to get carried away when you become mesmerized by the slow moving conveyor.

I don't know if it's because I have the mind of a child but I got extremely giddy watching food go round and round the restaurant. After a while I was pulling plates off the conveyor belt, not because I was hungry but because it was satisfying to grab random stuff.

Hot Dog Sushi

My wife had to give me the evil eye because I wouldn't stop. After our meal I asked how much the most 2 people have ever spent at Genki and he said $70. On our first trip we ended up spending $65 coming in at a close second. I then started to feel real bad for the people who sat down belt from us. I barely let any food get past me.

Genki Sushi
Taste ------------ (6) Not the best sushi but decent for the price
Presentation -----(9) It's like eating in the future
Price ------------- (9) $1.50 - $5.00 a plate is affordable
Quantity --------- (7) The portions are good for the price
Satisfaction ----- (8) I liked it so much I went 2 more times

Rating: 8 out of 10

Okay, so the food wasn't all that great but the experience was. I had a great time eating there and I always left satisfied. If you've got one in your area I recommend trying it. :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Exercising so I can Gorge

2010-03-10T11:11:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - If I want to ever live past 40 I'm going to have to start exercising. I don't like exercising so I mask it with my awesome dance moves.

Hopefully with this daily routine I will burn enough calories that I can stuff my face whenever I want.

In & Out - Double Double

2010-03-09T14:55:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - To All Fast Food Companies: Yes, my curiosity is perked when you top your burger with bleu cheese, portabello mushrooms, pineapples, clams, tripe, sushi, and soak it all in au jus, but you'll never make a good burger if you can't get the basics right.

In & Out's menu is as simple as it gets because they've focused all their talents into one thing: Making a good burger. They have the best quality control when it comes to Fast Food. Their burgers are juicy, flavorful and In & Out is pretty awesome when you're talking about consistency.

Here's a video of me eating a Double Double. I stopped by my dad's dry cleaners to run his shop for the day and he got me lunch. It got a little busy so the burger sat out for about half an hour so it wasn't as good as it normally was, but that was my fault. Enjoy.

In & Out: Double Double
Taste ------------ (9) Great patties, lettuce always good, awesome sauce
Presentation -----(7) Usually pretty good, I let this one sit out for a while though
Price ------------- (9) $3 is a good price for a Double Double
Quantity --------- (7) A pretty big burger for the price
Satisfaction ----- (8) I love me some In & Out

Rating: 9 out of 10

The Double Double is probably the burger I most frequently eat. There's just something comforting about it. I can always count on getting a good quality burger from In & Out.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Wendy's Bacon Bleu Burger Review

2010-03-02T17:15:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - When I was a little kid I would wait all week for Saturday morning because I knew that was the day I would see some rocking toy commercials that would change my life.

Now that I'm an adult and can't play with toys I still wait all week for new commercials but this time it's for burgers.

My new obsession has been the Wendy's Bacon Bleu Burger. The commercial is tantalizing, hypnotic, and always tempting me with it's apple wood smoked bacon and perfect chunks of bleu cheese blanketing a juicy square bun.

I decided this would be the perfect post for my first video review. I know it's gross and impolite to talk with my mouth full but I'm getting too old to care. Here's the vid:

Talking with my mouth full

Wendy's Bacon Bleu Burger

Looks like a man screaming with open sores in his mouth

The tomato looks lonely. Maybe it should try eHarmony for fruits.

Wendy's: Bacon Bleu Burger

Taste ------------ (8) That bleu cheese and bacon worked really well together

Presentation -----(5) Slightly repulsive

Price ------------- (4) $5 for this? What a rip.

Quantity --------- (5) A Medium sized burger

Satisfaction ----- (6) The taste was unique but it was expensive and lacked presentation.

Rating: 6 out of 10

I hope watching my video review didn't make you guys too sick. Would I get this again? No, but ask me again if I ever win the lotto.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Calr's Jr. - Grilled Cheese Bacon Sandwich ($7.00 Super Sized Combo) Rating: 7

2010-02-28T10:39:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Vegetarians rejoice! Carl's Jr. has come out with a brand new Grilled Cheese Sandwich just for all you herbivores out there. Huzzah!

(Oh, don't forget to remind them to hold all the fatty beef patty and delicious bacon strips)

Yes, Carl's Grilled Cheese Sammy wasn't exactly what I expected. I love my massive amounts of meat but I was hoping for more of a tasty cheese focused sandwich. Clearly it wasn't.

Carl's Grilled Cheese Bacon Burger

Enjoying my not so vegetarian sandwich

It's a pretty good looking and tasting but it wasn't anything special. It tastes just like any other sandwich they have except there's an extra slice of cheese in it. There's nothing new or exciting, just another gimmick using the same old ingredients.

They could have tried something really weird like a Mozzarella Cheese Stick Sandwich. That would have been so awesome. Instead they played it safe and just made something quite boring.

Carl's Jr: Grilled Cheese Bacon Sandwich

Taste ------------ (8) A good tasting sammy but very boring

Presentation -----(8) Made well, looked very appetizing

Price ------------- (6) A little expensive

Quantity --------- (7) A good amount of cheese and meat

Satisfaction ----- (7) Happy but not enlightened

Rating: 7 out of 10

In a world of Ipads and Blue dragon riding 3d Space Elves, I think Carl's Jr. could be a little more innovative with their Grilled Cheese. Would I get this again? Yeah, but only to remind my taste buds how forgettable this sandwich is.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

The Farm House - 2lb Burger Challenge

2010-02-23T01:12:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - One of my dreams is to have my picture framed and displayed on a steakhouse wall. I want strangers to admire it and say, "Wow. That guy ate a chunk of meat the size of a hubcap in under 12 minutes."

Alas, I have yet to find a place to challenge my cholesterol cravings. The Farm House in Beaumont California did have a unique offer though. If you can eat their 2lbs of meat burger you win a free cookie. I had to do it. I must not dishonor my family.

"The Justin Burger"

Check out those two 1lb beef patties covered in cheese. Mmmm...

Here's how big it is relative to my head, and remember my head is gigantic.

Needless to say I finished the burger and the waitress was so impressed that she gave me an extra cookie. I didn't stop there though. I had to try Lauren's Chili Cheese Omelette.

Mmm... overindulgence...

Overall it was a pretty good experience. The Farm House is one of the most interesting places I've ever eaten. There's even a giant chicken statue outside

If you guys are ever in Beaumont California I suggest you try it out! It's my new favorite restaurant, and not just because I live in the middle of nowhere.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Jack in the Box - Jumbo Deal ($3.50) - Rating: 6

2010-02-17T23:39:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - What's more appealing to you, an 8 ounce tin of Beluga Caviar or 1,708 deep fried beef tacos? How about a slice of finely marbled Kobe Beef Steak or 300 cheese-less Jumbo Jacks? Would you rather drink a bottle of 1787 Chateau d'Expensive or 8,547 gallons of Sprite?

This is what Jack in the Box asks with its $3.49 Jumbo Deal. Quantity or Quality? That's the question.

I hate to say it but in most situations I lean towards value over taste. This probably explains why I subject myself to mass amounts of fast food and discount meats.

The Jumbo Deal from Jack in the Box consists of: A Jumbo Jack (No Cheese), Two Fried Beef Tacos, a Small French Fry, and a Small Drink for $3.50. By purchasing all of these together you save about 50 cents which makes this a pretty rockin deal if you've got kids, a mortgage, and a car payment.

Quality: The Jumbo Jack is a sad looking burger but it does try pretty hard by adding tomatoes and lettuce which are the "truffles" of the Dollar Menu world.

The Tacos are an acquired taste. They have a strange texture which I can only describe as crispy soggy. The beef is mixed with a soy filling to help it keep the consistency and flavor of dog food.

Jack in the Box - Jumbo Deal ($3.50)

Taste ------------ (6) Better than your average Dollar Menu
Presentation ---(4) A heaping pile of food, Soup Kitchen style
Price ------------- (9) $3.50 = Best deal in town
Availability ----- (8) A promotion that won't last too much longer
Quantity --------- (8) That's a lot of bang for your buck
Satisfaction ----- (7) Full but not satisfied

Rating: 6 out of 10

If you find yourself starving and digging in your car seats and couch cushions for money then the Jack in the Box Jumbo Deal is for you. If you've got what rich people call, "Paper Money" I suggest you purchase something more delicious.

I do commend Jack in the Box for for giving you the most bang for your buck out of any of the fast food chains. They realize that the backbone of their sales are drunken college students who want to eat something greasy and salty after last call to soak up all the alcohol poisoning.

By staying open late nights and providing affordable meals they are technically saving lives of the drunk and homeless. Thank you Jack in the Box.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Big Mac Snack Wrap - Rating: 4

2010-01-25T23:36:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - The way I see it is the Big Mac is a rich white college kid from the suburbs who befriends a Mexican Pizza in his Chicano studies class.

One day the Mexican Pizza invites the Big Mac to a house party on the other side of town and he begrudgingly decides to go. While there he is shunned by the Tostadas and Menudos and realizes that he'll never be able to cross the cultural lines until he meets a saucy young Bean Burrito who shows him the ways of her people.

They spend one passionate night inside a brown paper bag and 9 months later we have the Big Mac Snack Wrap.

Highland Avenue meets Olvera Street

Half of a Big Mac patty + Fixins = Big Mac Snack Wrap

I ate 3 of these for you

The Snack Wrap does taste like a Big Mac with their signature sauce/pickles/onions/and McDonald's "beef" patty but there just isn't much value for your money. It has about 1/5th of the meat a Big Mac and costs almost $2.00. You're really losing out on this deal.

Another problem is that McDonalds hasn't quite perfected the Tortilla process. Places like Taco Bell fill their tortillas with warm fillings which in turn keeps the tortillas soft and tasty. McDonald's Big Mac patties are never hot so their Snack Wraps Tortillas immedietly become cold and disgusting.

There are no new ingredients. It's just gimmick packaging.

PROS:

- Tastes like Big Mac
- Clean and easy to eat
- Less carbs
- "Healthier" than a Big Mac

CONS:

- Way less value. Not enough Meat and Cheese
- The Tortilla tastes disgusting when cold
- Too expensive

McDonald's - Big Mac Snack Wrap

Taste ------------ (6) It's got that Big Mac flavor
Presentation ---(4) Not a pretty sight. At least it's clean
Price ------------- (2) $2 = Rip Off
Availability ----- (7) Probably just testing it. It'll be gone soon
Quantity --------- (2) No enough Meat or Cheese
Satisfaction ----- (3) I felt insulted

Rating: 4 out of 10

Is it horrible tasting? No. Is it the worst thing on their menu? No. Will I be getting this again? Most likely not.

I'm just waiting for the McRib Snack Wrap.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Worst Food Ever

2009-11-11T22:20:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - I've been in a horrible food slump lately. The main portion of my diet consists of hot water mixed with powdered meat flavoring. If you combine that with my lack of human contact from living out in the middle of nowhere, I probably could survive a solo mission to Mars.

There were a few disgusting exceptions to my astronaut like diet but they were all made me queasy. Here's Taco Bell's Black Taco:

I hate their regular tacos and this one tasted exactly like one. The black shell added absolutely no flavor. The only thing I was excited about was to see if it made my stool look like a pipe wrapped in thick electrical tape but alas, it didn't. Yes, I can talk about stool especially if the Black Taco tasted like it.

Next on my Worst Food Ever tour was Panda Express:

I was having a hard time choosing between their brand new heavily marketed Sweet Fire Chicken or their classic Orange Chicken so I asked my server which one she preferred. "Orange Chicken" she said. Then she politely told me that the other one sucked.

Of course now that I knew that it sucked I had to try it. It was pretty nasty. The sauce is fine but the chicken was way over-breaded and cold. I must have gotten the last scoop sitting under the heat lamp because it was oh so very stale.

That's my fake smile. I am also covered in paint.

For our Saturday date night I took my woman to the most romantic casual dinning establishment of them all, Applebees.

I was dying of hunger because we spent a long time at Ross looking at strange chicken figurines and ugly checkered window curtains so I decided to get the super appetizer sampler. It was surprisingly not too bad. The Steak Quesadillas were tasty and the amount of shirmp we got amazed me.

Boring old Chicken Sliders

Enjoying my first night eating at a restaurant in a looooooooooooog time

I was in the mood for something super salty that would kick me right in the face so I ordred Applebee's version of a Reuben sandwich.

It was gross. It gave me acid reflux. It gave me the swine flu. Well, maybe it didn't but a little piece of me died that night. I probably will never eat at Applebees again.

Well that concludes my Wost Food Ever tour. I saw some good burger commercials on TV so it looks like I'll have to break the piggy bank so I can go try them.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Burger King - Angry Tendercrisp ($5.20) Rating: 9

2009-10-19T12:01:00.001-07:00

Mark Lim - It took me to another world, a world where burger patties floated in space like stars and french fries grew on swaying trees. I swam in a sea of chicken nuggets and scaled the peaks of onion straw mountains. A tear rolled down my cheek. This was an awesome burger.

I had never seen anything like this at Burger King before. This was a massive mount of meat, bread, and filling. It felt like an Olympic shot put cannon ball stuffed like a Thanksgiving turkey.

Burger King usually has THE WORST quality control when it comes to building their burgers but this one exploded with goodness. I present to you Burger King's Angry Tendercrip

I was surprised with the amount of jalapenos, onion straws, and tomatoes they gave me

Stuffed to the gills with all their promised goodies

Enjoying the only Burger King Burger that I've ever loved

Burger King's - Angry Tendercrisp

Taste ------------ (9) It's actually spicy this time! Awesome
Presentation ---(8) Packed but super messy
Price ------------- (8) $5 = Average burger price
Availability ----- (9) Burger King is everywhere
Quantity --------- (9) Surprising amount of tasties
Satisfaction ----- (9) I was very very excited and pleased

Rating: 9 out of 10

Location Location Location. Two weeks ago I moved to a brand new town and their Burger King is so much better than my old Burger King. Check out some of the bad burgers I've had at my old store: Steakhouse - Steakhouse XT - Angry Whopper

I'm so ecstatic about having Fast Food places around me that aren't afraid to pile on the toppings. I'm definitely going to have to treat myself out to lunch more :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Grilled Cheese and Bacon Breakfast Sandwich

2009-10-14T16:10:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Normally I would just microwave a slice of cheese on a piece of white bread for breakfast but lately I've had the urge to actually cook using fire and oil.

I'm still eating on a budget so I've been trying to make simple meals with the cheapest fattiest ingredients I can find.

I've never made this before but here's my Grilled Cheese and Bacon Breakfast Sandwich:

Deep frying fatty fat fat cheap bacon and coating bread with margarine

Cheesing up some of that crispy burnt bacon so it melts all over the buttery bread

Breakfast and a Heart Attack!

Enjoying my sandwich with my bed head

My nightly cravings are usually filled with Mac and Cheese and Top Ramen. I actually tried to crack an egg into a bowl of noodles and it just made the whole soup yellow. Yuck.

Mac and Cheese 78 Cents at Walmart

Another day another unhealthy meal

Yes, I miss real food. I've been dying to eat something good for a long time. Hopefully I make some good sales this week to feed my blog!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Home Cooked Food

2009-10-07T21:03:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - This is the first meal I cooked in our brand new house. I'm not a very good cook but I wanted to make Lauren dinner since she worked all evening and came home at 1am.

I didn't know how much spaghetti to cook so I used the whole bag, and I almost used two which probably could have serve 12 people.

I also made some sort of cheese bread with bacon which turned out ok.

Anyway, here are the pictures:

Working 4 burners. I smell fire.

Hey! I made bacon!

Food!
Cheesy Bacon Bread

I couldn't find any forks while unpacking so we had to use chopsticks

I promise to get back to eating fatty burgers once we're settled into the new house and I have a little extra money. For now I foresee a lot of Top Ramen and cereal for dinner :) Maybe I'll jazz them up with some bacon.

Here's my dog William choosing what sauce I should use. (I used both because I was craving tomatoes)

Be Fat! Be happy!

Bakers - Boca Burger ($7.50) Rating: 6

2009-09-28T16:23:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Last Sunday I ate at a place called Baker's in Yucaipa California that boasts the first ever "Twin Kitchen" serving both American and Mexican style food.

For some strange reason I was in a hippie barefoot save the animals kind of mood and decieded to pass on all the greasy burritos and burgers and order a Soy Gluten Boca Burger instead.

When we got home I had accidentally switched bags with my wife and after I saw her juicy meat burger I was instantly disappointed with my hippie choice.

The first thing I noticed with my combo was the MASSIVE amount of fries they give you. I know it doesn't look like it in the picture but they give you a deep heavy bag that could fit two whole potatoes. Unfortunately their fries are no good.

Large bag of fries. Ok sized burger

Bakers uses different buns for their Boca burgers which are dry and dense and tasteless. It would have been much better if they had used the regular buns they put on their meat burgers.

Getting ready to take a bite of soy and glutten

The Boca patty matches too much with the color of the bun and adds no visual flavor at all.

Bakers - Bocca Burger Papa Meal

Taste ------------ (5) Bland but edible
Presentation ---(7) Well built
Price ------------- (5) A little more expensive than a regular burger
Availability ----- (6) 32 stores in So Cal
Quantity --------- (7) Burger is quite small. Plenty of fries but they're gross
Satisfaction ----- (6) I was sad after eating it.

Rating: 6 out of 10

The burger was missing a savory salty flavor. It had Thousand Island dressing on it but there wasn't enough to kick up the bland flavor of the Boca patty. I've had some good garden burgers before and this just isn't one of them.

I won't be getting this a 3rd time.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Cooking on a Budget

2009-09-22T16:46:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - My woman doesn't let me cook anymore because I cut off a chunk of my pinky slicing cucumbers.

I also start fires.

In order to prove to her that I've learned from my mistakes I've filmed my own cooking show.

Now she no longer lets me in the kitchen.

Enjoy!

Burger King - Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT ($6.00) Rating: 2

2009-09-14T16:42:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Before I pulled up to the drive-thru I decided I would let a Burger King employee pick which burger I would eat that day.

I didn't realize how much of a hassle it would be.

Me: "Hi. What burger do you recommend?
BK: "Umm... (10 second pause) Let me talk to my manager."
Me: "Wait! Just tell me what new burgers you have."
BK: "Umm... we have no new burgers."
Me: "Yes you do. I can see them right there.
BK: " Let me get my manager"

As I talked to the manager through the drive-thru speaker I realized that I would have to choose my own destiny. I ended up selecting the Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT which I'm sure they spit on.

You have to play that sound clip when you look at that picture.

I will never forget the great mushroom famine of 2009

Can you really call it a Mushroom and Swiss Burger when they only give you one mushroom?

A disappointed look

My burger screams in pain as I bite into it

Burger King. - Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse XT

Taste ------------ (3) The steakhouse patty is ok. Can't taste much else
Presentation -----(1) Looks like someone made it with their feet
Price ------------- (3) $6 and they don't even give you mushrooms
Quantity --------- (4) It's got a lot of bun
Satisfaction ----- (1) Another disgusting looking cow pie

Rating: 2 out of 10

I don't have too much to say about the Mushroom Swiss Burger other than it's another sad display of indifference. I have worries about future of society when I look at carelessly made burgers. I imagine the same people making my food are the same people putting together cars, doing construction work for buildings, and spawning. The latter scares me the most.

If we can teach our children to take pride in making burgers with lots of mushrooms then maybe in time our world will be a better place. It all has to start somewhere.

Be fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. - Big Carl ($2.71) Rating: 4

2009-09-03T15:53:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Eating is a full contact sport and sometimes even the best professional consumers get injured.

I needed time to heal so I forced myself to take a break from food blogging for a couple of months because I slowly cultivated a gut that caused me many strange pains all over my body.

But now I'm back and ready to eat! (and exercise as suggested by my doctor)

The first burger on my list was the new Big Carl which was created by Carl's Jr. scientists to obliterate McDonald's Big Mac. In their new commercial they show a side by side comparison of the two burgers favoring the Big Carl.

On planet Earth, the burgers look more like my picture on the right.

McDonald burgers never look amazing but they also never look disgusting. My problem with Carl's Jr. is they dress their food up like fat juicy supermodels and parade them around like celebrities when in reality they look like this:

Thousand Island Vomit

It's a pretty big burger for $2.71 though

Cheesy stalagmites and stalactites

Carl's Jr. - Big Carl

Taste ------------ (3) Missing that tangy sweet Thousand Island flavor
Presentation -----(3) Surprise! It looks nothing like the ad
Price ------------- (7) $2.71 is not a bad deal for the volume
Quantity --------- (8) Quite filling but it was missing flavor
Satisfaction ----- (3) Every bite was like chomping on styrofoam

The size and the value of the burger is decent but the taste was absolutely boring. It's straight meat and cheese with a dollop of dressing. You couldn't even taste the Thousand Island on the burger. I had to google the ingredients to see if it was actually dressing because I was so confused by the blandness.

I'd rather have a Big Mac.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Shogun Sushi - All You Can Eat! ($27.00) Rating: 7

2009-07-15T12:32:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - The world is filled with epic battles between good and evil. Luke Skywalker fought Darth Vader, Al Gore wages war against Global Warming, and I try to conquer All You Can Eat Sushi Buffets.

My victim last weekend was Shogun Sushi in Yucaipa California. It was a long fight but I came out victorious.

The "Hot Night" Roll - Shrimp Tempura, Roe, Avocado, in a special spicy sauce. By far the favorite of the night. Ordered it twice!

The "Dragon" Roll - Eel and Avocado in a sweet sauce. Always a favorite

A picture of me and my fiance preparing for our sushi battle

Spicy Salmon Roll with Raw Salmon, Jalapenos, and a spicy sauce. It wasn't very flavorful and a little too hot. I didn't like it too much.

Crunch Roll - Crab Meat, Avocado, and little crunch toppers in a sweet sauce. Good texture.

Another Tempura Roll and a Cream Cheese Roll. The Cream Cheese Roll had raw salmon, crab meat, and avocado. I think there was too much cream cheese. I've had better versions elsewhere.

The "Vegas" Roll - Crab Meat, Avocado, and Cucumber battered and deep fried. It was too startchy and lacked flavor. The hip name and apperance threw me for a loop. This was probably the most disappointing roll I've ever had.

Shogun Sushi - All You Can Eat Sushi Buffet

Taste ------------ (8) There are some great rolls but a couple misses
Presentation -----(7) The plating was appetizing
Price ------------- (5) I've been to better places for $27
Quantity --------- (8) They charge double if you don't finish
Satisfaction ----- (6) You leave full but it's probably better to order single rolls instead of the buffet

I enjoyed myself at Shogun Sushi but there were harsh rules that had to be followed while eating all you could.

The first rule was if you had any left overs they would charge you double the price. I got to the point where I couldn't shove any more food down my throat and still had an entire 8 piece sushi left. It took all my strength and will power to finish and it made me sick.

The second rule was you only had 1 hour to eat so I was frantically ordering as much as I could and didn't get to slowly savor the sushi.

Overall I thought it was pretty good food but I wouldn't get the All You Can Eat for $27 again. It's much more relaxing and cost effective to order each roll separately. We were full after about $40 worth of sushi but our greediness forced us to eat a nauseous $80 worth.

If you're ever in Yucaipa and want to try Shogun Sushi, here is the address:

Shogun Sushi
33527 Yucaipa Blvd # 0
Yucaipa, CA 92399-2029
(909) 790-4778

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr - Teriyaki Burger ($6.00) Rating: 9

2009-07-07T18:59:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - It's summer time again and Carl's Jr. has found the perfect combination of meat, fruit, and side boob to sell their oldie but goodie Teriyaki Burger.

Yes, they've gone back to their roots of having hot chicks eat meat all sexy like. Whenever I see the commercial with Audrina from The Hills chewing on a big fat one all the blood rushes from my brain to my hypothalamus, the part of the brain that controls hunger.

Yeah right.

I really wished the burger looked like it did on the commercial but it's not the ugliest thing I've seen. You should check out Carl's Prime Rib Burger. Now that one looks like horse vomit.

Padma Lakshmi and I share a moment

I had my doubts going in because I've been let down by pretty much every Carl's burger I've had but this one was actually pretty tasty. It wasn't too sweet like the Kentucky Bourbon Burger. The pineapples were very savory and the teriyaki sauce didn't taste like eating 4 packs of Splenda.

Carl's Jr: Teriyaki Burger

Taste ------------ (9) Very good. Great combo
Presentation -----(7) It aint winning no beauty pageants
Price ------------- (6) $6 is almost worth it.
Quantity --------- (8) It was a good size
Satisfaction ----- (9) I quite enjoyed it.

Rating: 9 out of 10

This is definitely one of the few good burgers at Carl's Jr. that doesn't look or taste like excrement. The pineapples and teriyaki sauce complemented the burger and brought a hint of sweetness, savoriness, tanginess, juiciness, and texture to my mouth.

This was pretty damn good and I'd definitely get it again. Boobs.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Jack in the Box - Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches ($3.99) Rating: 5

2009-06-29T17:42:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Burger technology has advanced leaps and bounds over the past couple months. Gone are the ways of the big greasy bacon packed behemoths of yesteryear. Mini is in.

Much like cellphones and trendy dogs, burgers have gotten smaller and smaller. The new mini on the market is the Jack in the Box Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich:

3 Pack of Mini-ness

I actually like the concept of the Mini Burger. They're small and neatly put together. It's easier to portion out if you want to save some for later and they're much cleaner to eat.

Sampling a baby burger

Jack's Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwiches aren't very good. The patty is just slightly larger than a dinosaur chicken nugget and tastes just as good as a microwaved one. If they had used quality meat from their chicken fingers it would have been a much better burger.

Acrobatic Mini Burgers

Another thing that disturbs me about the burger is the amount of Frank's Red Hot Sauce they put on them. I like hot sauce in small quantities but sometimes they drench the entire sandwich in it ruining the flavor.

Jack in the Box - Mini Buffalo Ranch Chicken Sandwich

Taste ------------ (5) Too much sauce not enough chicken
Presentation -----(6) They look ok. Nothing to brag about
Price ------------- (6) $3.99? I can get 4 double cheese burgers for that
Quantity --------- (5) The key word here is "Mini"
Satisfaction ----- (4) Naw, not going to get this again

Eh, I expected way too much. I actually really liked their Mini Sirloin Burgers but their Mini Chickens are pretty gross. Steer clear, Cowboy.

Oh, I'll leave you with this video of me trying to fit them into my mouth:

Be Fat! Be Happy!

McDonalds - Angus Mushroom Burger ($5.00) Rating: 7

2009-06-23T19:11:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Late January I banned all personal consumption of McDonalds after I was tricked into purchasing 2 Big Macs which I later "refunded" into a porcelain receptical.

It's been 5 months so last week I lifted the restriction and got myself a McDonalds 1/3 Pounder Angus Mushroom Burger. They're actually quite good.

Not a bad looking burger.

Looks like someone chewed it for me! Thanks!

Ugly but tastes fine.

McDonalds - Angus Mushroom Burger

Taste ------------ (7) The mushroomy taste came out just right
Presentation -----(6) Pretty with it's bread hat on but disgusting with it off
Price ------------- (5) $5 is a little expensive for this kind of burger
Quantity --------- (6) It hit the spot
Satisfaction ----- (7) Definitely much better than I thought it was going to be

Usually McDonalds burgers look like a bum used it as a pillow before being served but I was quite surprised because the Angus Mushroom Burger looked edible.. When I lifted the hood it did look pretty bad though but I've kind of learned to expect that from all fast food chains.

The taste was nice and clean. The McDonalds mushrooms had a better flavor than Carl's Portobello Burger which really blew me away. The cheese wasn't bad either and the burger patty wasn't greasy and disgusting. I would definitely get this burger again.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Claim Jumpers - Frisco Burger ($10.00) Rating: 9

2009-06-16T11:16:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Before my Frisco Burger came I polished off a Mozzarella Cheese Stick, a Southwest Eggroll, 6 Onion Rings, a Loaded Potato Skin, a Buffalo Wing, a Fried Zucchini, a half boat of Ranch Dressing, and some pieces of Artichoke. If I wasn't with family I would have been quite embarrassed.

This was a critical error because by the time my burger was ready I was already in a food coma.

The Monstrous Appetizer Combo

What made me realize that I actually really really liked Claim Jumper's Frisco Burger was that even after gorging myself on half of the monster appetizer plate I was still able to eat most of my meal.

The Frisco Burger might not be for everyone because it has a little sweet in it. My mother thought it was disgusting because it tasted like candy but I loved it.

The Frisco Burger consists of a wonderful Emmenthaler Swiss cheese on a burger patty cooked to your liking with lettuce, pickles, and tomatoes covered with 1000 Island dressing all wrapped up in a grilled parmesan sourdough. It was delicious even when my stomach was already about to explode.

Claim Jumpers - Frisco Burger

Taste ------------ (9) The flavors all worked together perfectly
Presentation -----(7) Not the prettiest but it sure was good
Price ------------- (7) $10 for a Burger and Fries ain't bad for a restaurant
Quantity --------- (8) Just about right. Couldn't really judge though
Satisfaction ----- (9) I definitely will be eating this again

Maybe it's because I'm just so used to eating $1 burgers from fast food joints that I forget that there are actually quality meals out there. It's good to treat yourself to something nice once in a while. I don't feel so... cheap.

Oh, I got up at 4:30am the next morning and polished off the rest of the Frisco Burger. I had dreams about it and I just had to finish it.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

El Pollo Loco - Chicken Sliders ($1.29) Rating: 5

2009-06-10T19:40:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - When KFC introduced Grilled Chicken to their menu it turned their war with El Pollo Loco into one giant soap opera. It was like KFC stealing El Pollo Loco's woman at the altar on horseback, giving her amnesia, and switching their babies at birth all at the same time.

El Pollo Loco has decided to fight back by copying KFC's "Snacker" sandwich and renaming it The Chicken Slider.

Both are pretty decent but I'd have to give the edge to the Snacker because KFC offers a larger sandwich, more flavors, and uses a better chicken chunk.

These El Pollo Loco Sliders are advertised at 99 cents but that's only for the Original Flavor. Spicy and BBQ are $1.29 which leaves me feeling cheated.

The chicken used in the Sliders are comparable with McDonald's frozen chicken but they're not too bad. I actually quite enjoyed the Original Flavor.

I have quite a large head so it's hard to judge how big these Sliders actually are.

Maybe it's me but fast food sandwiches covered in BBQ sauce are never good. The KFC BBQ Snacker and the El Pollo Loco BBQ Sliders are both pretty gross.

El Pollo Loco - Original Slider, BBQ Slider, Spicy Slider

Taste ------------ (5) Original was by far better than the other two
Presentation -----(5) Lots of mess for a little burger
Price ------------- (6) $0.99 - $1.29 isn't too bad
Quantity --------- (4) They're the size of half a tennis ball
Satisfaction ----- (5) I probably could eat about 5 before throwing up

These aren't my favorite and I believe the KFC Snacker to be the superior mini chicken burger but I probably would get them again if I wanted something small and cheap. What El Pollo Loco should have done was use their superior Flame Grilled Chicken and made that into a sandwich. That would have been a total change of pace and something wonderfully awesome.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr. - Portobello Mushroom $6 Burger ($5.00) Rating: 6

2009-05-26T17:46:00.001-07:00

Mark Lim - The Portobello Mushroom $6 Burger looked amazing when I took it out of the box but Carl's Jr. always finds a way to disappoint me.

Other than being a little squished from sitting at the bottom of the bag the burger looked just like the commercials. The juices, melted cheese, and portobello mushrooms merged together in perfect harmony.

It fit just right in my hand. I couldn't wait to swallow it whole.

The mushrooms were plentiful and covered the entire burger which is rare experience at Carl's. They're supposed to be sauteed in garlic butter but were lacking saltiness. Normally when I order a specialty burger they don't give me enough of the "special" (e.g. Prime Rib and Kentucky Bourbon) but this one had the right amount of goodies.

The other condiments suffered though. Look at the pitiful amount of onions they gave me. They did include two large slices of tomato which was a surprise since they normally skimp on them.

Don't let my large head fool you. The burger is pretty big.

Here's a picture of the two nice tomato slices.

This is the second time I've had the Carl's Jr. Portobello Mushroom burger and while it looks wonderful the flavor is too subtle for me. The meat had a nice smokey flavor but the swiss cheese was too mild, the mushrooms didn't have the garlic butter kick, and there weren't enough onions to spice it up.

Carl's Jr. - Portobello Mushroom Burger

Taste ------------ (4) Bland, mild, no strong flavor
Presentation -----(9) Good looking burger
Price ------------- (6) $6 burgers are $5. Not that great of a deal
Quantity --------- (8) It's large and hefty
Satisfaction ----- (5) I was full but I wanted something salty after

Rating: 6 out of 10

It's not a bad burger. I like it much better than the Prime Rib or the Kentucky Bourbon which are both horrific but it lacked that "Mmm..." factor. Before I took my first bite I had visions of a delicious flavor explosion but was disappointed with a taste deprived mouthful. I guess looks can be deceiving.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me 3 times, I don't think so. I won't be getting this burger a 3rd time.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Jack in the Box - Mini Sirloin Burgers - ($4.00) Rating: 8

2009-05-21T21:02:00.001-07:00

Mark Lim - Burger Technology has grown leaps and bounds over the years and has even borrowed a few tricks from Silicon Valley.

Jack in the Box's Mini Sirloin Burgers don't boast their size or messiness like Carl's Jr's menu but are built more like microchips. These little bad boys are small, efficient, and pack a flavorful punch that rival the biggest of burgers.

Here's a pack of 3 for $3.99

The mini burgers are around 2.5 inches in diameter but are actually quite filling

Here is the well crafted and neat guts of the mini burger

Close up of the Sirloin patty

These Mini Burgers are perfect for the OCD consumer. They're neatly constructed and are much easier to eat than a full sized burger. They weren't messy and held together really well.

Usually when I order a big burger from a fast food joint the condiments and toppings are sparsely placed on top but with these tiny burgers the condiments and toppings were evenly placed. I was surprised at how much I liked the Mini Sirloin Burgers.

Jack in the Box - Mini Sirloin Burgers

Taste ------------ (8) The patty tasted good
Presentation -----(8) The burgers were well built
Price ------------- (6) 3.99 is about average for a burger
Quantity --------- (7) It looks small but it's a good amount
Satisfaction ----- (8) I was full and wasn't covered in grease

Rating: 8 out of 10

I bought 9 of these burgers and gave a couple friends a stack. They also agreed that the burgers were quite good. I'd definitely get them again. :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Quizno's - Italian Torpedo ($4.40) Rating: 6

2009-05-12T00:08:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - All hands on deck! Here comes a Torpedo! Yes, Quizno's has a new sandwich that rivals Subway's $5 Foot Long and it only costs $4.

It's like those people who make 6 minute Ab workouts to combat the people who make the 7 minute Abs.

The TV commercials for the Torpedo with the smooth talking Oven trying to seduce a sandwich maker is a little too sexual for me but the subs are pretty good. I ordered two Torpedos. This one is the Tuna:

Quiznos has a fixin's bar that has different sauces and toppings which is nice

Here's the Italian Sub:

The problem with the Torpedos isn't their taste but in their construction. The bread isn't one piece but built more like a regular sandwich with two pieces of bread that aren't connected. They do this so it's easier to put them through the conveyor toaster but it becomes a huge problem when you try to eat it because it simply falls apart.

If we're talking value then Subway's $5 Foot Long destroys the $4 Torpedo. Why? Because most Subway doesn't charge tax on their $5 Foot Longs but Quiznos does which makes their $4 Torpedoes $4.33.

Quiznos - Italian Torpedo + Tuna Torpedo

Taste ------------ (7) These are good subs
Presentation -----(4) It's messy and falls apart
Price ------------- (5) It's ok but Subway's prices are better
Quantity --------- (6) It's a good amount of food
Satisfaction ----- (6) I was full but I ate two of them

Rating: 6 out of 10

If we're talking taste then I would give Quiznos a slight edge because their ingredients seem a little better but the Subway Subs are much much bigger than the Quizno Torpedos which means they give you more bang for the buck.

The Quiznos Torpedo is a good sub but if there was a Subway next door I'd go there instead because I'm cheap like that.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

KFC - Kentucky Grilled Chicken ($9) Rating: 2

2009-05-04T23:14:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Ancient Chinese Proverb - Do not Grill what can be Fried.

When I heard KFC was introducing their new Grilled Chicken I thought it was another joke. I've heard way too many strange tales about KFC like the laboratory they own where they genetically mutate chickens so they have 8 legs.

When I found out that the Grilled Chicken wasn't an urban legend I became very excited. More excited than a grown man should be when hearing about chicken cookery.

This is the bucket and no, it was not bucket worthy.

Strange color

Beta Testing the chicken

The grill marks look like they're trying way too hard

One piece of the 8 legged mutant

The chicken was the greasiest piece of meat I've ever had. I had to constantly wipe my hands before they started to prune. It also had a very strange chemical taste to it like they spray painted the grill marks on. The spices they used were disgusting and way too strong. I love KFC's fried chicken but grilled was a horrible idea.

El Pollo Loco has them beat hands down.

KFC - Kentucky Grilled Chicken

Taste ------------ (2) Horrible horrible horrible
Presentation -----(2) The chicken looked funky
Price ------------- (6) It's a decent price for bad chicken
Quantity --------- (6) It's a lot of chicken
Satisfaction ----- (1) I will never ever get it again

Rating: 2 out of 10

Please stay away from the grilled chicken and let's hope KFC keeps these 11 herbs and spices a secret forever.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Macaroni Grill - Lasagna ($15) Rating: 3

2009-04-27T18:07:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - I've never had veal and I've always wanted to eat baby cow parts but I know some of my friends would be pretty mad at me if I tried it. (which probably means it's amazing)

So instead of ordering cute infant calf meat I decided to get Macaroni Grill's specialty Lasagna. It was pretty gross but we'll get to that disappointment later.

The first disappointment of the night was the appetizer sampler. It came with flavorless calamari, too hard to eat bruschetta, and the blandest mozzarella sticks I've ever had.

Mmm... nothing special

The Fiance and I enjoying our meal

The plate looked great but it was more of a tomato soup than a lasagna. It was one of the worst I've ever had. I could not taste any of the cheeses because of an overpowering fennel licorice-y flavor that destroyed the dish.

I thought that extra cheese would help. It didn't.

The lasagna was quite sad but I was pleasantly surprised with my dad's Prime Rib. I didn't like how they plated the dish but the meat was excellent. The texture and the tenderness was amazing especially for the affordable price. This was a great deal.

Lauren got the Lobster Ravioli and that was awesome too! By now I was getting really jealous of everyone's meal but they let me pick at their plates so I felt a little better.

Macaroni Grill - Lasagna

Taste ------------ (3) No good. Too saucy too much fennel
Presentation -----(8) It looked great though!
Price ------------- (4) It was way over priced at $15
Quantity --------- (7) The size wasn't bad
Satisfaction ----- (2) I was not satisfied

Rating: 3 out of 10

I would have gave the Prime Rib and Lobster Ravioli a score of 8. I'd still love to go back to Macaroni Grill but I will never get the Lasagna again.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Mill Creek Cattle Company - BBQ + Goodies ($18) Rating: 7

2009-04-24T19:11:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - We've been searching all over Southern California for an affordable wedding venue with no luck. Lauren's mother suggested a place called the Mill Creek Cattle Company but her idea was instantly shot down by my fiance.

I had never heard of the place before so I asked why there was "no way in hell" we were having our wedding reception there. Instead of telling me why she decided to show me.

I thought the place was awesome! I loved the old pictures and giant animal heads on the wall. I even liked the Confederate flag! Yeehaw! She was afraid the Asian side of my family would freak out and they probably would but I don't really care. It's our wedding and if I want to dress up like Ulysses S. Grant wearing a kilt then I'm going to.

The food was a great price so I was excited to order. I chose the super combo with Pork Ribs, Pulled Pork, and BBQ Chicken. It came with a broccoli and cheese soup and a big stuffed potato.

I think I'm getting a little "Oh So Fat" myself

The Chicken and Ribs were a little over cooked. It was Easter and they had just finished up their brunch so I think we got the left overs. The place is usually packed but only 2 of the tables were filled. I'm sure the BBQ would have been better if we had came around dinner time. The food was gorgeous looking though.

Lauren got the pork ribs and the sweet potato fries

The large crispy and brown croutons and garbanzo beans made the salad.

This was one of the best soups I've ever had. It was truly amazing and I would come back just for their broccoli cheese.

Corn bread and sweet butter

Pictured Left to Right: Stuffed Baked Potato, Pulled Pork, Pork Ribs, and BBQ Chicken

The stuffed baked potato was also fantastic. I probably could have ate it just like a tater-tot.

The place had a wonderful ambiance. It was just what you'd imagine a restaurant in a town called "Mentone" would look like. The service was great as well. Maybe a little too great. The waitress was at our table about 8-10 times during our meal. Towards the end she admited she was just really really bored.

The food was hit and miss. The BBQ wasn't all that great and I prefer Lucille's. The meat just wasn't tender enough. I did find it strange that the Pulled Pork, Baked Potato, and Broccoli Cheese Soup were some of the best I've ever had.

Mill Creek Cattle Company - BBQ Pork Ribs, Pulled Pork, BBQ Chicken, Stuffed Baked Potato, and Broccoli Cheese Soup

Taste ------------ (6) I was torn. The main course missed but the sides hit
Presentation -----(9) It was a really cool looking place and the food looked great
Price ------------- (7) The price was right on. Not too expensive
Quantity --------- (9) Tons of food. I actually had left overs!
Satisfaction ----- (6) I was disappointed with the BBQ but I want to give them another shot

Rating: 7 out of 10

I'm still on the fence about this place because it didn't have quality BBQ but the sides were so damn good. I think they might have had an off day because of Easter so I'm going to try them again. I'm betting they'll rock my socks the next time.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Fosters Freeze - The Big Boss Burger ($6) Rating: 6

2009-04-16T17:05:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - I was mezmorized by the dazzling colors and the cold creamy desserts from a Dairy Queen commercial and ran like I never ran before to my car to find one. I felt like Dog The Bounty Hunter but instead of hunting down criminals I was hunting down the taste of an awesome burger.

I got a hot tip from my roommate of where to find one so I rushed over there. When I reached my destination I was devestated to find out it wasn't a Dairy Queen but a Fosters Freeze! I quickly used my GPS to find another but when I got there it was shut down! It was not meant to be.

I was defeated. I decided to go back to the Fosters Freeze and see if they could lift my spirits. I decided on getting "The Big Boss" burger

The Big Boss comes with bacon, onion rings, cheese, pickles, lettus, and a big piece of meat. I was impressed by its beauty.

Sadly, the burger was not as flavorful as it looked. It had great texture and crunch from the bacon and onion rings but the burger itself was pretty bland. I was also disappointed that it cost so much.

It was a gorgeous burger but it tasted like one of those ones that they shellac and put on display.

Fosters Freeze Big Boss Burger

Taste ------------ (6) Kind of bland. Not much flavor
Presentation -----(9) It was a gorgeous burger
Price ------------- (5) $6 was kind of expensive for the size
Quantity --------- (6) It was ok
Satisfaction ----- (6) I was still a little hungry

Rating: 6 out of 10

It was kind of sad seeing a family owned franchise like this Fosters Freeze hurting so bad because of the economy. It was the middle of the lunch rush and I was the only person in the place. I think the food would have been much better if the place was busy. It felt dead inside and food wasn't as fresh as it would have been if they had been making burgers all day. I'll drive past it next time to see if it's busier and maybe I'll stop in again and try something new :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Happy Harbor - Seafood Delights (Expensive) Rating: 6

2009-03-25T21:00:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - I don't know if it's because I used to live in a cockroach infested apartment but I'm really scared of giant crabs.

Yes, they are delicious but they'll always be creepy underwater alien insects to me.

My parents love crab though so they took me to Happy Harbor in Rowland Heights California for some authentic expensive Chinese cuisine.

It's a very nice looking restaurant filled with chandeliers and golden statues of happy fat bald guys.

They have a room with large tanks so you can name your pets before you eat them

The crab tasted pretty good and it was only $7.99 a pound for a 9 pound monster which is a great deal. It was a lot more flavorful than the crabs I usually eat but I wasn't really in the mood and didn't have too much of it.

Maybe it's because I had to stare at this insect head the whole time:

I actually cut myself touching this thing. *shivers*

A shot of the inside of the restaurant

My favorite dish of the evening was the Walnut Shrimp. The shrimps were plump and juicy and the sauce was amazing. It was much better quality than I'm used to.

I loved duck when I was little but I don't really care for it anymore. The meat is really oily and fatty and there's way too many strange bones to pick out. I guess I'm just too lazy to eat it.

Here's another one of my favorite dishes. It's thin deep fried noodles with shrimp.

As much as I'd like to be a fancy food connoisseur, I'm not. I like large deep fried things I can eat with my hands in my pajamas. Even though I'm a street food kind of guy it's nice to experience a little class and culture once in a while :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Carl's Jr: Kentucky Bourbon Burger ($4.00) Rating: 2

2009-03-23T00:38:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - I think I threw up more times after eating Carl's Jr's new Kentucky Bourbon Burger than I did when I drank a whole bottle of Jim Beam.

I truly hate this burger.

The sauce was sweet like a Jolly Rancher covered in maple syrup and the entire burger is SOAKED in it. Oh, and they always give you that crappy thick white part of the lettuce which is disgusting.

I think some fancy Onion Straws might have helped...

...if they had put any on it!

Watch out! It's trying to throw up!

Carl's Jr: Kentucky Bourbon Burger

Taste ------------ (2) Disgustingly sweet
Presentation -----(2) That was an ugly burger
Price ------------- (3) $4? Worth $1.50 at the most
Quantity --------- (4) As big as a DVD
Satisfaction ----- (1) Vomit

Rating: 2 out of 10

Fast food is starting to piss me off. Instead of having gimmicks like the Candied Yam Burger they should try and learn to make a decent normal burger first.

There are guys like me who are too stupid and lazy to cook and we depend on fast food to survive. My dream is that one day someone from a big company will see my blog and say, "That burger looks disgusting. Let's try and make better ones."

If they can't fix the quality of something as simple as a burger I think you'd better start get used to using chopsticks because America is going to be taken over by China.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Mad Wolf: All You Can Eat Mongolian BBQ ($8.00) Rating: 8

2009-03-09T21:48:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - I like to think of Mongolian BBQ style eating as a contest between myself and the restaurant. Normally it works just like a buffet except you only get one bowl and one turn. This leads to an interesting battle.

The owners of the restaurants freeze their meats in tubular shapes so they take up more space in your bowl which increases their profit margin because you have room for less food.

What I do is insert smaller rolls of meat inside the larger rolls so I get more value. After I'm done I press the contents of the bowl down like I'm crushing a can of soda to I create more room for toppings and noodles. Yes, I am that cheap.

Anyway, I found a great place in Fullerton California called Mad Wolf that offers unlimited Mongolian BBQ for only $8! What a deal!

The process is a little different at lunch time. Instead of packing your own meat the waitress comes to your table and asks you what kind you want and then gets you a bowl of it. After that you go to the toppings bar where you load up on things like onions, tomatoes, mushrooms, cilantro, carrots, cabbage, bean sprouts, and top it off with noodles.

There's also a section with teriyaki, spicy, mild, ginger, and garlic sauces that you can combine to create different flavors for your Mongolian BBQ.

The final step is to bring your bowl to their chef who will cook your food on a super hot giant space saucer looking thing while you watch. It's pretty fun.

My favorite combo is Beef, Mushrooms and Tomatoes .

Mad Wolf: All You Can Eat Mongolian BBQ

Taste ------------ (7) Noodles and meat just the way you like it
Presentation -----(7) I love the whole process of Mongolian BBQ
Price ------------- (9) $8 is an awesome deal for all you can eat
Quantity --------- (10) Eat till you pass out!
Satisfaction ----- (8) It's pretty fun and you definitely get your fill

Rating: 8 out of 10

I feel like I'm a part of the creation process when I eat here and I always want to try out a new combination. Mad Wolf is a great restaurant to eat at and it's a wonderful value. If there isn't one around you should still check out Mongolian BBQ style eating. I'm sure you'll enjoy yourself :)

Mad Wolf
4110 N Harbor Blvd
Fullerton, CA 92835

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Hong Kong Palace: Dim Sum ($25) Rating: 8

2009-03-02T17:46:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Dim Sum is a style of Chinese dinning that brings you the excitement and varieties of eating street food without all that unpleasant walking around stuff.

Here's how it works: There are about a half dozen women pushing around multi leveled carts filled with all sorts of traditional Asian goodies.

Just simply make eye contact with them as they pass your table and they will stop and begin to show you the different kinds of food they have to offer.

(Deep Fried Tarrot)

After you point and choose which little dishes you want, the waitress will mark your ticket with their special stamp and be on her way.

(Fried Radish Cake)

The carts will keep rotating around the entire restaurants with new treats so don't gorge too fast!

(Waiting for goodies!)

There are many treats ranging from fried savory seafood dishes to the strange like chicken feet and duck tongues.

(Some sort of shrimp ball)

The quantity of food usually ranges from 2 to 4 pieces per dish. They're like little appetizers!

(Deep fried shrimp thing)

My favorites always involve some sort of deep frying of seafood served with sweet and sour sauces.

(Shrimp wrapped in rice sheets)

As you eat you begin to combat for the attentions of the waitresses because the other diners are also trying to call them to their table. Sometimes you have to raise your hand in the air and whistle so they know you mean business.

(Chinese Broccoli)

Everyone in the restaurant is always hectically moving around. It really fills you with an invigorating feeling as you dine.

(Deep Fried Squid)

You have to be on your toes and you always have to designate someone as a scout so you know what food is coming to your table next. You don't want to fill up on the mediocre stuff when the good food is just around the corner!

(Red Bean Jello)

There are also many dessert carts that have different items to satisfy your sweet tooth. Red beans, tofu, and almonds are usually the main ingredients of the desserts but they have other interesting things too.

(Almond Jello)

The best part of Dim Sum is that you can try lots and lots of dishes because they come in small quantities. You really get to experience the tastes and cultures of the Chinese.

(Almond Tea Dessert)

If you just can't wait for a cart to come around you can order special foods like this Almond Tea Dessert. I had never had it before but it was by far my favorite of the day.

(The inside)

They bake a sweet almond mixture inside a pastry which you break into and eat with the soupy concoction. It's absolutely amazing!

Hong Kong Palace: Dim Sum

Taste ------------ (8) I crave their little fried seafood balls
Presentation -----(8) I love the many different plates of food
Price ------------- (7) It all depends on how much you want to gorge
Quantity --------- (7) You can eat till your wallet is empty!
Satisfaction ----- (8) I always leave full but I stereotypically get hungry again in an hour :P

Rating: 8 out of 10

As far as Dim Sum places my favorite is Hong Kong Palace in Rowland Heights California. As soon as you walk in you are transported to a far distant land filled with little 5 foot Asians screaming in different dialects and scurrying around like mice. The restaurant is alive.

Hong Kong Palace
19101 Colima Rd
Rowland Heights, CA 91748

If you haven't gone to Dim Sum and like to experience new things I suggest you go. You'll be happy you did! :)

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Chipotle Mexican Grill: Steak Burrito ($6.00) Rating: 6

2009-02-26T18:53:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - If you like Mexican food but don't like all that strange ethnic stuff then Chipotle "Mexican" Grill is perfect for you!

The food there lacks the authentic tastes of a local tacqueria stand but their burritos are ok. They have a fresh and clean taste which normally you'd think would be a good thing but when I'm craving a burrito I want a greasy, oily, salty, dense, and satisfying one. Their food almost looks... healthy...

Chipotle is the last place I'd go to fill my animalistic hunger. They're about as Mexican as, let's say, Tom Cruise.

Here's their Steak Burrito. No grease stains at the bottom! Damn!

Holding my burrito like a baby

Look how clean it is! Yuck!

Their Steak Burritos consist of small lean cubes of steak, pinto beans, seasoned white rice, sour cream, and choice of sauce.

Chipotle Mexican Grill: Steak Burrito

Taste ------------ (6) Decent burrito but lacks ethic flavor
Presentation -----(8) Nice and simple
Price ------------- (7) $6 is a good price forits size
Quantity --------- (7) Pretty big
Satisfaction ----- (5) I just never feel complete when I eat there

Rating: 6 out of 10

I think Chipotle lies somewhere between Taco Bell and a good authentic Mexican restaurant. It's not quite fast food and it's definitely not a taqueria. It's most likely going to be the next McDonald's so you'll probably be seeing one on every corner in the future. It's no replacement for good Mexican food but it sure is convenient.

Oh, by the way... This is how a burrito should look:

Carne Asada Burrito from the taqueria :) They cut it straight off a giant piece of beef!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Oh! If you're bored check out my new Economy blog at: www.RecessionMan.com :) Thanks!

Shiki Restaurant: 5 Specialty Sushi Rolls: ($60) Rating: 8

2009-02-24T23:09:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - When I eat sushi I want to be served by Asians. There, I said it. Sure, there are other places with better tasting and more unique sushi than Shiki but the atomosphere, people, and the service are what make it my favorite restaurant. Asians! Yes, there are actually Asians that work there!

Chomp in Fullerton, CA has some awesomely creative rolls but it's always packed, you have to wait 20-45 minutes to be seated, and instead of being served by people from the Far East you're being served by people... further south.

I mean, if I want authentic Mexican food I want to be served by Mexicans. There, I said it again.

Here's the fierce Dragon Roll with fresh Eel.

Holding up Shiki Crunch Rolls

More Crunch Roll action

The Shiki Roll! I think. I totally forgot. This one had an assortment of raw fish on top of each roll.

This one is my favorite because I love love love that red roe.

Kings Roll with... I honestly don't know but I remember it was hot, like in a heat sort of way.

Shiki Restaurant: 5 Different Sushi Rolls

Taste ------------ (7) Not the best but still very good.
Presentation -----(9) I love my Dragon Roll!
Price ------------- (7) $9-$14 a roll isn't too bad.
Quantity --------- (8) Lots and lots of food!
Satisfaction ----- (9) I always leave full and happy

Rating: 8 out of 10

There's a lot to be said about Shiki. The service is great. The owner comes around to every table and greets you, there's almost always a booth open for you so you don't have to wait, and it's just a peaceful quiet atmosphere. The place has character and the people that frequent there are pretty nice.

If you like sushi you've got to go to Shiki. I'll see you there!

Shiki Restaurant
1936 E Katella Ave
Orange, CA 92867

Be Fat! Be Happy!

The Yard House: Margherita Pizza and Hawaiian Burger ($24) Rating: 3

2009-02-17T07:01:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Do you know why The Yard House has 160 different brands of draft beers? Because you have to be pretty drunk to eat their food! Bad-dum ching!

Ok, that wasn't really a joke but their expensive pizzas and burgers were.

I asked the waitress what her favorite pizza was and she told me she liked hers plain so I decided to order the Margherita which is a pizza brushed with olive oil instead of sauce and has oven roasted roma tomatoes, chunks of whole roasted garlic, mozzarella, and basil.

It doesn't look like it but this was the most boring pizza I've ever had.

The pizza was bland but the roasted garlics were really flavorful. The garlics would have saved the pizza if there had been more than 4 random chunks. They were strewn in the corners like dirty socks after a long day.

The Hawaiian Burger had the strangest texture because it offered no resistance to my mouth. It was like eating a beefy cotton candy. The bun, cheese, pineapple, and beef had the consistency of baby food. It was very odd.

The burger came with it's own dipping sauce but it didn't really do much for it. The $12 price tag didn't help either.

The Yard House: Margherita Pizza and Hawaiian Burger

Taste ------------ (2) Totally lame
Presentation -----(5) Pizza looked good. Burger didn't
Price ------------- (1) $24? It was worth half that
Availability ----- (8) Lots of Yard Houses
Quantity --------- (6) There's a decent amount of food
Satisfaction ----- (2) The Yard House is in the dog house

Rating: 3 out of 10

Great place for beers, bad place for food.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

www.PoisonAppleShirts.com

The Hat: Pastrami Chili Fries and Double Cheese Burger ($18) Rating: 8

2009-02-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Lauren had never been to The Hat so my friends, just like bearded old wise men, regaled her with stories of the mythical Pastrami Chili Fries Monster that lived at the heart of the eatery. After listening to the tales we started our journey.

It was a long and epic battle at the drive thru but I was able to capture the beast with my ATM card. On our way home Lauren tried to sneak a peek at the mound of pastrami and chili wrapped in butcher paper but I had to stop her. "Don't disturb it." I said. "You'll wake it."

When we got home I showed her what my friends meant:

This is the $12 pastrami, chili, cheese, french fries, tomatoes, onions, and pickles monster.

I think we've made it angry

I stab you with my +5 Strength Fork of Doom!

Eating the remains and giving the gods of finance (Suze Orman) a sacred offering.

The entrails

AND a Double cheese burger! Geez!

The super awesomely salty world famous Pastrami complimented the slightly smooth and creamy meat chili. The tomatoes were sweet and the pickles completed the flavor rainbow with a much needed sour kick in the face.

The hamburger was really good as well. It has two large meat patties covered in cheese, lettuce, onions, and a nice sweet and tangy mayo sauce. It rocks.

I love The Hat but it's one of those places that you have to gorge yourself to the point where you say, "I'm not going back there for a month." to fully experience it.

The Hat: Pastrami Chili Fries and Double Cheese Burger

Taste ------------ (9) Awesomely greasy
Presentation -----(9) It's breathtaking
Price ------------- (6) $12 for super fries is kind of expensive
Availability ----- (6) Not a lot around
Quantity --------- (9) That's a meal I tell you what
Satisfaction ----- (8) Great but you're going to feel it in the morning

Rating: 8 out of 10

If you've never been to the hat and love pastrami you've got to go. I suggest you get the world famous pastrami sandwich and gravy fries. I will next month!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Pinks vs The Swap Meet Hot Dog

2009-02-04T23:27:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - I crossed my fingers as I neared Pinks and prayed that the line for hot dogs didn't wrap around the building. Usually when I drive by there I see a huge crowd of people that look like they're camping out for Van Halen tickets but this time I was lucky and only had to wait 20 minutes.

On their walls are what seemed like hundreds of autographed photos of celebrities and next to them were signs apologizing for not accepting credit or debit cards. I panicked. I frantically checked my wallet and dug deep into my pockets looking for loose change but was only able to scavenge $4.35. I had visions of eating mounds of uniquely flavored hot dogs and shoveling handfuls of chili fries into my mouth but my dreams were shattered.

Luckily Lauren had $4 and was able to lend me 30 cents so I could get the Triple Bacon Chili and Cheese Hot Dog with Tomatoes.

Mmm... ($4.65)

A woman stared as we took pictures of each other with our new meaty friends and probably thought, "Damn those tourists!"

The greasy juicy goodness dripped all over my face and hands as I ate my Triple Bacon Chili and Cheese Hot Dog with Tomatoes and a tear slowly fell from my eye. We live in an awesome country.

The World Famous Pinks Chili Dog with Onions ($3.10)

My only regret is that I didn't get to try the many awesome specialty hot dogs like the "Huell Howser" that has two hot dogs in one bun or the Ozzy Spicy Dog with a Polish sausage, nacho cheese, and guacamole. Simply amazing.

Pinks
709 N. La Brea Blvd.
LA, CA 90038

If you've ever been in LA there are illegal hot dog vendors cooking up special "Border Style Hot Dogs" on little stoves or even shopping carts on random corners of the street. These dirty little dogs are some of my favorite things to eat.

I was at the Santa Fe Swap Meet and had a found a nice Border Style Hot Dog booth and sampled one of their combos.

I had to use my cellphone camera because I forgot my memory card but luckily we were at the swap meet and I was able to haggle for one after lunch.

Mine was covered with Mayo, Relish, Grilled Onions, Jalapenos, with a Hot Dog wrapped in Bacon. It was pretty good but it lacked the whole purchasing it from a woman cooking your meat on aluminum foil on a busy street.

Both hot dogs from Pinks and the Swap Meet rocked and I could have probably eaten 4 more if they let me unbutton my pants. It was a cool experience to go to such an awesome eatery landmark. Maybe one day they'll hang my photo up at Pinks:

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Chomps Sushi ($25) Rating: 8

2009-02-02T20:21:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Combine Americanized Japanese dinning with douche bags sporting spiky frosted tip highlights and you've got Chomps. This restaurant is located near the strip of bars near downtown Fullerton (California) and is always full of drunken quad riding mixed martial arts wannabe "Bros" and scantily clad women belting out off key Journey songs. It's got its charms and if you're in the mood it's an awesome place but if you're looking for fine dinning atmosphere look elsewhere.

The food is impressive though. They fuse ingredients like cream cheese and jalapeno salsa into their sushi which give them a really interesting flavor. Their sauces are what make their rolls. The service speed is also amazing.

The first thing we ordered was the Crunch Roll. They fill it with crab, avocado, and tempura shrimp and drizzle a sticky sweet soy sauce all over it. I really enjoyed it.

Lauren and I enjoying our sushi

The next roll we had was a salt water eel roll which was also great. The presentation of the food was well done.

This orange monster is called the Kings Roll. It has shrimp tempura, avocado and crab meat baked with salmon, shrimp and covered in spicy "Cruzin" sauce.

I don't have a very discriminating palate. I can't tell the difference between a freshly made meal and a week old microwaved one but I think this dish was my favorite because the flavor was so much more powerful than the other rolls. I can taste it just by thinking about it. That's totally Jedi.

Our final dish was the Explosion Roll with explosion sauce. Here's the description: "fresh water eel, cream cheese, avocado and crab meat rolled and deep fried tempura style and topped with both our sweet eel and Cruzin' Sauces." I have ordered this before but it wasn't as good this time because there was too much cream cheese. It felt like I was taking a huge bite out of those silver foiled Philidelphia sticks. Sauce was good though.

Chomps Sushi:

Taste ------------ (8) Innovative rolls
Presentation -----(9) The stuff looked great on the plates
Price ------------- (7) It's about $12 a roll
Availability ----- (6) Not a lot around
Quantity --------- (8) I hardly get full on sushi but this was fine
Satisfaction ----- (8) Always enjoy the food. The atmosphere... not so much

Rating: 8 out of 10

When I'm out at a bar I don't mind the drunken screaming but when I'm eating I need some sort of quiet to savor my food. Trying to enjoy a meal to a censored Snoop Dogg's 'Ain't No Fun' (look up the song, it's classic) can be pretty funny though.

The food is totally unique and if you're out with your friends this is a really good place to go. I like Chomps, sometimes.

Be fat! Be happy!

(Make sure to visit my DirtyFilthyMoney.com blog too because I just updated it!)

McDonald's: Big Mac ($1.75) Rating: 4

2009-01-28T18:52:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Barrack Obama was being inaugurated as the 44th person to become President of the United States so I decided to eat the most patriotic hamburger I could think of:

The Big Mac

I swore to myself that I wouldn't go back to McDonald's unless it was a life or death situation but as I passed one on the street I saw a huge sign on the window: 2 Big Mac's for $3.50. Could it be? A Big Mac for $1.75? I couldn't pass up such an awesome deal.

Apparently my roommate saw the sign too so we decided to split 4 Big Mac's for breakfast. He also has some McDonald's horror stories but we felt so cheap that day that we had to do it.

Mmm... "Meat"

The Big Mac is a pretty interesting burger. It's got two "meat" patties seperated by a middle bun and sandwiched between lettuce, cheese, pickles, onions, special sauce, and another set of buns.

The sauce is a sweet and tangy thousand island dressing and gives the Big Mac its unique taste.

It's really not a bad burger but as the day progresses you begin to feel its effects. I knew it was coming and so did my roommate. After we pounded our 2 Big Mac's a piece we sat around and I kept asking him, "Do you feel it yet? Do you?"

McDonald's - 2 Big Macs

Calories - 1080 - Fat -58g - Sodium - 2080mg - Carbs - 90g

Taste ------------ (6) Pretty good at first. Didn't last though
Presentation -----(8) The box and the burger looked nice
Price ------------- (9) $3.50 for 2? Awesome deal!
Availability ----- (10) Yeah, it's Mcdonald's.
Quantity --------- (9) That's a lot of food for $3.50
Satisfaction ----- (1) I was in pain

Rating: 4 out of 10

Ok, the scores are pretty high for a lot of the categories but the satisfaction factor totally annihilated any of the good points of the Big Mac.

I could not function the rest of the day after eating it. There's something about McDonald's food that just destroys my entire body and causes me to feel like I've been inseminated with a sharp and craggy alien baby.

It was absolutely horrifying. The human body was not meant to ingest 2 Big Macs in one day. I was left broken, depressed, and defeated. I will never do that again.

If you are interested in reading more of my work please check out my business blog at: DirtyFilthyMoney.com which I just updated today too :)

Be fat! Be happy!

Chris' & Pitt's: Ribs, Chicken, Blooming Onion ($20.00) Rating: 7

2009-01-26T14:21:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Chris' & Pitt's is a Southern California BBQ joint that has been around since I can remember. The place is almost always packed with jolly patrons and screaming kids and the decor looks like it hasn't changed in 50 years.

The best thing they've got there is their super seasoned blooming onion:

Golden slivers of sweet and crunchy onions deep fried to perfection. They add some sort of spice which gives it a kick and they serve it with their special Chris' & Pitt's BBQ Sauce. Definitely the best blooming onion in town.

I normally get their Prime Rib with aujous and horseradish which is usually pretty good but I wanted to try something new.

I was feeling hungry so I ordered the half chicken and ribs combo. Parts of the BBQ chicken were over cooked and tasted very tough and hard but the parts that were fattier were much better. The ribs weren't that great and were way over sauced but the price ($17) was right. The onion rings were the best I've had in a long time. Their fried stuff kicked their BBQ'ed stuff's butt.

The broasted chicken was awesome. The technique to broasting is to combine pressure cooking with deep frying which causes the chicken skin to be super crisp and crunchy while keeping the meat inside juicy. It's my favorite way to have my chicken cooked.

The ribs were quite generic tasting and the food wasn't as good as I remembered. I had to use a napkin to dab the sauce off the ribs so it didn't taste like I was just spooning ketchup in my mouth.

Chris' & Pitt's - Ribs, Broasted and BBQ Chicken, Blooming Onion

Taste ------------ (6) Not that spectacular
Presentation -----(7) It's a nice big plate of goodies
Price ------------- (8) It's a pretty good deal for the amount
Availability ----- (5) Only in Southern California
Quantity --------- (8) Lots of food. Didn't finish
Satisfaction ----- (7) I was full and ate it for breakfast the next day

Rating: 7 out of 10

Overall the place is pretty good. It's certainly not the best BBQ in the world or the nicest looking place but the portions are great and it's a pretty casual place, the price is right, and they give you a hot towel at the end to wipe away your shame.

I'll be back for the onion and chicken.

Be Fat! Be Happy!

If you like my blogs please check out my business one at: www.DirtyFilthyMoney.com!

Burger King: Angry Whopper ($5.60) Rating: 6

2009-01-19T13:31:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Burger King has unleashed a brand new spicy dirty bomb in my mouth in hopes to turn the tides of the Burger Wars. What is this Weapon of Mass Deliciousness you ask? It's The Angry Whopper.

After seeing the commercial on TV I started to mentally prepare myself for consumption. I imagined that eating it would cause me to hallucinate and travel to a magical land with pyramids and a talking coyote voiced by Johnny Cash much like Homer did when he ate the Guatemalan Insanity Pepper.

So after much meditation and milk drinking I went to my local Burger King and purchased an Angry Whopper.

I was very pleased because the burger actually looked good. The Burger King I purchased it from was in a much nicer neighborhood than the one I usually get it from so your experience will vary depending on which Burger King you go to.

After opening the hood I saw that the spicy onions and jalapenos were few and far between. It was nothing like the billboard and commercials. Surprise Surprise.

I took a monster bite and waited for fire to shoot out of my mouth but there was nothing. Not even a tiny little tingle. I was hoping to bust out of my shirt like the Hulk or be furious like I had been blamed for a crime committed by the One-Armed-Man but was more like, "Aww, man! Someone deleted my favorite Tivo show! Oh, but wait... they're going to show it again in an hour." kind of angry.

I was so disappointed that there was no heat or spice that it overshadowed the fact that the burger was actually pretty good. If someone on the street had handed me this burger and asked me if I liked it I would say I did but since they hyped it up to be a nuclear bomb in your mouth I was very unsatisfied.

Burger King - Double Angry Whopper

Calories - 1120 - Fat -55g - Sodium - 1720mg - Carbs - 59g

Taste ------------ (7) Pretty good. Not Spicy though
Presentation -----(7) Looked good in the rich side of town
Price ------------- (1) $5-$6 Way too expensive
Availability ----- (8) Lots of them around
Quantity --------- (6) It's decent sized
Satisfaction ----- (3) Taste the meat not the heat

Overall it's a good burger if you don't mind spending $6 on an overpriced overrated marketing gimmick. It's certainly the best burger I've reviewed from Burger King.

Oh, I also posted a new blog on my other site at DirtyFilthyMoney.com so go check it out!

Be Fat! Be Happy!

Cafe Sierra (Burbank, CA) - Rating: 7

2009-01-16T20:46:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - For some reason the fatter I get the less I want to blog about my obesity. I have promised myself that not matter how morbidly chunkafied I get, I will force myself to write about it.

Once a year my family and I dine in decadence. We stuff ourselves with all forms of multi-legged and tentacled creatures to the point of hallucination.

Cafe Sierra is a ritzy buffet filled with all sorts of goodies and here's some of them:

Way too salty crab legs, Prime Rib, Scallops, and for some reason the Lobster was soggy. It was like eating Wonderbread drenched in mayonaise.

Mmm... Crab Legs

I actually thought I got a bad lobster but it turns out they all tasted funky. Not sure what happend but it wasn't very good.

Here's a plate of Shrimp, Walnut Shrimp, Shrimp Dumplings, a Sushi Hand Roll, and Shark Fin Soup. The Walnut Shrimp was the best thing there.

Here's the woman who touched my hand rolls.

The Chefs manning the meat

Sushi Bar

Random desserts

Buffage

I've got crab legs and I know how to use them.

I was actually pretty disappointed with Cafe Sierra because it wasn't as good as it was last year. The food tasted kind of old and bland and it just wasn't as exciting. It's a pretty decent deal for $50 a person and still totally beats 50 McDonalds Double Cheese Burgers.

I hope next year they redeem themselves.

Burger King: Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger ($6.00) Rating: 3

2008-11-03T22:04:00.000-08:00

Mark Lim - Yay! Burger King's has found a way to add more crap inside a bun just in time for Halloween!

Yes, the Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger with mystery sauce and onion straws is the perfect burger to have if you've ever swallowed poison and need help regurgitating to save your life.

What they tell you it looks like:

What it actually looks like:

Look! It's trying to say something! "KILL ME NOW"

The good thing about these BK Steakhouse burgers is if you get angry and decide to throw it against the wall it'll look exactly the same.

Burger King - Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse Burger

Calories - 970 - Fat -55g - Sodium - 2190mg - Carbs - 63g

Taste ------------ (3) (Insert Puke Noise)
Presentation -----(1) Another gross BK creation
Price ------------- (3) $4-$5 C'mon. It's just not worth it.
Availability ----- (8) Lots of them around
Quantity --------- (3) It's a pretty small burger
Satisfaction ----- (1) That was nasty and all sorts of wrong

Rating: 3 out of 10

The Burger King Steakhouse family of burgers is by far the worst of the worst especially in the aesthetics department. My first BK specialty burger was the Loaded Steakhouse and I swore never to eat another one again but here I am 5 months later getting suckered into eat a Mushroom Swiss Steakhouse and I'm pissed.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Fool me three times, lock me up because I've lost my will to live.

It's gross. Please avoid.

Asia Buffet: ($15.00) Rating: 7

2008-10-05T22:32:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Asia Buffet is a place where you can inhale 5lbs of shrimp and no one will judge you. They won't cut you off because they're afraid you'll get mercury poisoning like at Red Lobster, no no. It's a fat man's heaven.

The first plate I always get includes a sample of their sushi and sashimi.

It's never very good but quantity always beats quality at this buffet.

A picture of me on top of the food chain

Crab legs, Shrimp, and Calamari

Soft Shelled Crab and some sort of beef thing

A Soft Serve Frozen Yogurt for dessert

Asia Buffet: Random Seafood Crap

Taste ------------ (6) Not so great but lots of it
Presentation ---(6) I get creeped out eating water insects
Price ------------- (7) $15 = All you can eat
Availability ----- (4) Not many around
Quantity --------- (9) Lots of food and lots to choose from
Satisfaction ----- (7) It's a buffet. Go nuts.

Rating: 7 out of 10

If an extravagant Vegas buffet is a 10 and the Sizzler Salad Bar is a 1 then Asia buffet would be ranked a high mid-level all you can eat restaurant. It's always packed when I go so that's a good sign that the food gets changed or at least stirred around often. I guess that also means there's a higher chance someone spit on my crab legs.

Oh, well. It's a decent place to go when I feel like being a pig.

Tommy's: Triple Chili Cheese Burger and Chili Cheese Fries ($9) Rating: 9

2008-10-03T00:48:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - It's a scientific fact that when you eat a World Famous Original Tommy's Mega Combo Meal your life span is reduced by 2 years. I think they make you sign a waiver when you order one but it's totally worth it.

As soon as you unwrap the Triple Cheese Burger from it's greasy translucent paper your entire body will be covered in their world famous Chili. It kind of just explodes on you like your heart does after you eat it. Mmm...

If I were on death row and they asked me what I wanted for my last meal it would definitely involve Tommy's. I'd probably eat two and say, "Woo hoo! Strap me up to the chair, I'm done!"

Once you pick up the burger it's hard to put down. You have to eat as fast as you can or it will just melt all over your clothes.

I think they crumble little Prozac pills into the cheese because I always feel happy after eating one.

Isn't it awesomely disgusting?

If you're on the fence about becoming a vegetarian you have to eat one. It'll convince you to join the dark side.

Tommy's - Triple Chili Cheese Burger & Chili Fries

Taste ------------ (9) So greasy and delicious
Presentation ---(8) It's got that old timey burger stand feel
Price ------------- (8) $9 = Burger, Fries, Drink
Availability ----- (7) Based in California, expanding to Nevada
Quantity --------- (8) Oh so good Oh so fat
Satisfaction ----- (9) You won't want to eat for the rest of the day

Rating: 9 out of 10

When I think of Tommy's I think of everything that's wrong with America. We are all so gluttonous, fat, and greedy. We have no boundaries, etiquette, or self control. We want everything and anything in sight and I dig it.

Beach Pit: Tri-Tip w/Mac & Cheese + Cornbread ($17) Rating: 4

2008-10-01T21:23:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - If you're craving real southern wood smoked BBQ and don't care much about how your food tastes then The Beach Pit is the perfect place for you! The Beach Pit is an overpriced BBQ joint that tries to make up for it's sub par food with a nice decor.

I had the Tri-tip with Macaroni & Cheese and Blueberry Cornbread for $17. Ha

Ain't she pretty?

The presentation of the food looks so horrible. It looks like a Frankenstein leftover meal someone threw on a plate and then microwaved. $17? Are you kidding me? No, really. Are you seriously kidding me?

Trying to smile but very disappointed.

The salad was actually pretty good and looked well prepared but I didn't go to a BBQ place to eat vegetables.

Here's another picture of their BBQ-Ala-Half-Assed

The blueberry cornbread was great but was salty because of the tears of disappointment I was crying.

The sweet potato fries were also pretty good but doesn't make up for the lack of good meat.

The Mac & Cheese wasn't bad but I could have boiled a box at home.

Beach Pit - Tri-Tip + Mac & Cheese + Cornbread

Taste ------------ (4) I was so crushed. The BBQ wasn't very good
Presentation ---(4) The place was nicely decorated but my plate wasn't.
Price ------------- (2) $17 covered Tri-Tip, Mac & Cheese and Cornbread. Not worth it.
Availability ----- (5) There a few locations near Angels Stadium
Quantity --------- (4) Bleh
Satisfaction ----- (3) Not worth it at all. Spend $5 more and go somewhere else.

Rating: 4 out of 10

Maybe I'm being too harsh on this place but I expected so much. It's like being told that there's no BBQ Santa Clause. It crushed my heart. If they just cut their price to about $9 their score would have doubled. I'm going to try this place one more time just to make sure there wasn't some sort of meat crisis going on and they had to serve me yesterdays leftovers. Wish me luck.

Homemade: Steak and Mushrooms ($3.00)

2008-09-28T22:10:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Fattening up for winter is harder and quite a bit more expensive than I thought so I've been buying discount meat and cooking it at home like people did in the Depression. Mmm... horse...

I never seem to get it to cook right and probably have some sort of worm living in my stomach because of undercooked meat.

I've also decided to grow a beard as a social experiment to see if they still card me when I go watch a rated R movie.

I've gotten to the point where I'm so sick of steak that I make that "bleuhhh" sound whenever I smell meat cooking.

No one ever taught me how to cook so I've kind of just been experimenting all my life. There have been a few grease fires and second degree burns but I think I'm getting better.

I'll probably be dinning out more the next couple weeks just for my own safety. I've been so out of it lately but I'm coming back around so I'll be able to update this blog. I hope everyone is doing well :)

Claim Jumper: Filet Mignon & Australian Lobster Tail ($70.00) Rating: 7

2008-09-07T23:30:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - How can the ugliest sea monster on Earth have the most delicious tail? The answer is: Butter. Lots and lots of butter. Slathered like sunscreen on a pale old woman at the beach. Mmm...

Last night I ate at a Claim Jumpers and if you don't have one in your area the quality is a few steps above T.G.I. Fridays and a couple below that restaurant where they kick you out for wearing sandals and greet you by saying, "Heeeelllleeeooooowww".

I started the meal off with Parmesan Onion Rings the size of dog collars:

I guess I only have fast food onion rings to compare them to but these were pretty awesome.

The lobster tail looked like it had popped right out of an infected alien host:

It was really good. I love lobster. Normally I go to these places with the tiny little lobster tails sliced in half but this one was plump and pillow like. It rocked.

Enjoying my tasty meal.

The Filet Mignon wasn't very good. I had it Medium Rare and the meat didn't have that meaty-goodness flavor. I was actually disappointed.

The Potato Cakes were killer. They were flaky and soft at the same time and had a terrific sauce. They saved my meal.

I ended dinner with a Sundae served in a schooner. Horrible. It was the weirdest tasting ice cream I've had. Half of it was whipped cream and chocolate sauce. No good. Avoid if you ever eat here.

Claim Jumper - Filet Mignon & Australian Lobster Tail + Onion Rings:

Taste ------------ (7) Lobster was great, Filet Mignon wasn't
Presentation ---(8) It was pretty to look at
Price ------------- (3) $70.00 - Expensive
Availability ----- (6) 45 Restaurants around the country
Quantity --------- (7) Lobster was big, steak was small
Satisfaction ----- (8) Pants unbuckling satisfaction

Rating: 7 out of 10

There was about an hour wait before I was seated but the good service made up for it. Decent meal overall but would have been an amazing one if it were $10 bucks cheaper.

Maki Grill - Korean BBQ Combo and Tofu ($15.00) Rating: 8

2008-09-03T20:15:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Oink! Oink! I'm actually getting fat! Woo hoo!!! I hopped on the scale this morning and it looks like I put on 3lbs. I assume it's all muscle and brain matter though... I've actually been dining out a lot this month and going to parties and filling up on whatever free food I can stuff in my face. My cravings have been so bad that I'm usually halfway done with my meal before I remember that I'm supposed to take pictures of everything.

I started exercising and trying not to think heavy thoughts this week to battle all that brain weight I've been gaining. I run in the afternoons and do some weight lifting at night and have been trying to watch what I'm eating. Totally no fun. I'm my own fat camp counselor.

On Monday I decided to treat myself to a little Japanese/Korean fusion to go. There's a place called Maki Grill in Anaheim that mixes a lot of Japanese cuisine with Korean cuisine. It's really quite good.

I ordered the Korean BBQ Combo with a side order of Deep Fried Tofu:

The combo comes with lots of different little treats for you to sample that will help you jump start your amazing journey to Coronary Artery Disease Land! Oink! Oink!

I love Korean BBQ but it's actually quite annoying because of the 3 eye shaped bones in every slice. It's impossible to eat in public because you need a paring knife to dig out all the wonderful juicy bits. That's why I like eating it at home with my hands. I'm usually covered in meaty goodness by the end of the meal.

The combo includes a medley of Tempura pieces. There's shrimp, green bean, onion, and yam. All battered and deep fried. Awesome.

The California Rolls are never that amazing but it's a nice change of pace to a greasy meal.

Every Korean meal comes with a side of Kimchi. Kimchi is usually made with spicy pickled cabbage and other vegetables.

Tofu is made by coagulating soy milk and pressing the curds into blocks. Sounds good, huh?

Oh you fat fat boy. When will you learn?

Maki Grill - Korean BBQ Combo + Deep Fried Tofu:

Most Asian restaurants won't have nutritional menus because they dishonor our family so I can't provide that to you this time.

Taste ------------ (8) I like me greasy salty deep fried yummies
Presentation ---(7) The food looks pretty good.
Price ------------- (5) $15.00 - Kind of expensive but I was full
Availability ----- (3) Probably not a lot around. I've seen a few though
Quantity --------- (8) It's a ton of food
Satisfaction ----- (8) I might have had room for a Banana Split... mmm....

Rating: 8 out of 10

Have a lovely rest of the week!

Taco Bell - Queso Crunchwrap ($3.00) Rating: 5

2008-07-30T22:21:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - I've been trying really really hard not to eat fast food lately because it's been making me sick. I've lost about 10lbs after starting this site because seeing the crap I ingest kind of grosses me out. I've been yo-yo-ing around 5lbs because I get so bored at night that I need the warm hug of a midnight snack to put me to bed.

One of the places open really late at night is Taco Bell so I went to try one of their newest "entrees" called the Queso Crunchwrap:

It's basically a tostada wrapped up in a tortilla. I have some East Coast friends that have no clue what a taco, tostada, or a tortilla is is so I'll explain. It's the Mexican version of a ham sandwich. You got that?

Taco Bell food is all the same. They just change the shape of the item and slap a new name on it. They added one different ingredient to the Queso Crunchwrap and that's a "fresh" salsa. They normally just squeeze a reddish goo into their items but they use a salsa with tomatoes, onions, and cilantro for this one:

I hate cilantro and onions. I loathe them. When I order food I lie and say I'm allergic to them so they make sure not to put any in my food.

They actually don't have this item on their nutritional guide. I'm not sure why they don't but they have the regular Crunchwrap on there so I assume they're pretty similar.

Taco Bell - Queso Crunchwrap:

Calories - 560 - Fat - 24g - Sodium - 1430mg - Carbs - 68g

It's actually not horribly unhealthy meal. Chew a couple Flinstones Vitamins with it and you'll be fine.

Taste ------------ (3) I like the regular Crunchwrap Supreme better
Presentation ---(5) It's a hexagon and has clean corners
Price ------------- (8) $2.50 -$3 Pretty affordable
Availability ----- (9) Lots of Taco Bells and they're open late
Quantity --------- (7) It's a decent amount of food for the price
Satisfaction ----- (5) I'm still pretty hungry after I eat one

Rating: 5 out of 10

Taco Bell's advertising for their line of Crunchwraps focuses not on the taste of the food but by how "portable" it is. It's a really weird ad campaign. It's like advertising a lawn mower and instead of showing you how it cuts grass they keep telling you how easily it fits in your garage. I've gotten the regular Crunchwrap about half a dozen times this month and prefer it much more than the Queso version. Getting fat is fun.

Wendy's Triple Stack + Potato ($8.50) Rating: 9

2008-07-24T17:03:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - "Why are manhole covers round?" This was an actual question Microsoft asked in job interviews to psychologically assess their applicants. While there are many correct answers there is only one correct answer to why Wendy's hamburger patties are square.

The Answer: Because they are delicious.

Wendy's doesn't get caught up in the Burger Wars like the other Fast Food places. There's no need for prime rib, Angus, black Angus, Kobe, sirloin, rump, or some sort of space aged non-stick meat. They just use square regular meat patties and it's surprisingly edible.

So far this has been my favorite burger. My roommate agrees because we went to get him one after I finished mine.

Lettuce didn't quite survive the trip home but everything else was just fine

The other cool thing about Wendy's is that they have other weird stuff on their menu like bowls of chili and baked potatoes. The one I got kind of looked more like a potato chowder but it was damn good.

There! I ate my vegetables for the week, Mom!

Wendy's Triple Stack:

Calories - 980 - Fat - 60g - Sodium - 2010mg - Carbs - 43g

Yeah, unhealthy like the rest but damn it was good!

Taste ------------ (9) That meat was deliciously square
Presentation -----(7) It wasn't pretty but it was big!
Price ------------- (7) $4-$5 is ok for a burger this tasty
Availability ----- (6) Haven't seen too many Wendy's around
Quantity --------- (9) That was a lot of food.
Satisfaction ----- (9) Wendy's hits the spot

Rating: 9 out of 10

The Wendy's Triple Stack is my new favorite burger. No fancy gimmicks. Just a good burger.

Korean BBQ - ($20) - Rating: 8

2008-07-22T18:53:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - When I ask people to join me for Korean BBQ the usual response I get is, "So, I pay $20 and I have to cook the food myself? That's ridiculous!"

Part of the "salad" (and I use the term loosley) bar contains all the traditional Korean appetizers like kim Chi, pickled vegetables, and fishy things.

The other part of the bar won't contain your normal hot wings and stale pizzas. It'll have dozens of kinds of raw meat for you to cook on your table top grill.

Enjoying some appetizers while the meats cook

A plate of raw goodies

Meat in progress

Closer shot of the appetizers

Mom and dad work the grill cause I can't cook

The weird thing about the place is that they don't label their meat so it's kind of a gamble when you put a pile on your plate. You don't know what animal or part of the animal it came from. That's probably for the best. Don't be scared though. It's a lot of fun! I can barely boil water and I like it so I'm sure you will too :)

Rating: 8 out of 10

Long John Silver's - Fish/Clam/Shrimp Combo

2008-07-16T18:46:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - There are two places I have a hypnotic craving for that I always regret after eating. The First place is Long John Silvers:

Long John Silvers is a Fast Food fish and chips chain that is run by the same people that own Taco Bell, Pizza Hut, KFC and A&W. Everything there is battered and deep fried. Mmm... remorse...

Deep fried Fish, Shrimp, Clams, and a side of coleslaw

The closest one to me is by my dad's dry cleaners with a KFC built inside of it. (The other hypnotic craving that I always regret)

There food is greasy, fatty, and I love it... for the first few bites. After that all hell breaks loose in my stomach.

Close up Fish, Shrimp, and Clams

I've never had the clams there before so I had to try them. They're gross. Deep fried battered boiled rubber bands. Don't ever get them. The best thing they have is the chicken which I opted out of because I also wanted to try the shrimp. Shrimp is no good either. Strike 2.

Long John Silvers: Fish, Shrimp, Clams, Fries, and Coleslaw:

Calories - 1110 - Fat - 67g - Sodium - 3230mg - Carbs - 98g

Hmm... I thought it was way more unhealthy but it's almost as much as one Premium Burger from the other chains.

Taste ------------ (5) It's not very good but sometimes I just need it
Presentation -----(6) It's fried crap in a box. How good can it look?
Price ------------- (7) $6-$8. It's ok for the entire meal
Availability ----- (5) Not too many around here
Quantity --------- (9) I hardly ever finish my meal cause it's so greasy
Satisfaction ----- (6) It curbs my cravings for fried foods but always leaves me sick

Rating: 6 out of 10

It's the kind of meal I have to limit myself to once a month. Any more than that will cause my body to go into convlusions. Which brings us to my other craving:

I can eat a whole bucket

Whenever I see a KFC commercial on TV it makes me think about that urban myth that KFC bio engineers chickens with 8 legs and thighs in a secret lab in Kentucky. It always makes me hungry for mutant meat.

Original (They were out of Extra Crispy) Chicken, Potato Wedges, Biscuit, and a spoonful of coleslaw

Aparently I eat my chicken with my pinky up

6 Piece Sauceless Hotwings

KFC has this new thing with the sauceless hot wings. They suck. They're little wing pieces the size of a golf pencil with just a tiny bit of spice.

Close up of the Mutant Chicken

I don't know what kind of hold KFC has on me. I find that place so disgusting but I just have to have it. I feel like I'm pregnant.

KFC: 2 Thighs, Drumstick, Biscuit, Potato Wedges, and Coleslaw

Calories - 1450 - Fat - 89g - Sodium - 3740mg - Carbs - 98g

Yeah, that's pretty bad. This meal is almost as much food you should eat the entire day.

Taste -------- (6) It's hit or miss for me. I'd be higher if they had Extra Crispy
Presentation -----(5) Mutant Chicken never looks that good
Price --------- (3) I don't remember how much this was but it was expensive
Availability ----- (7) There are plenty of KFCs everywhere
Quantity --------- (6) It's a lot of food but not for the price
Satisfaction ----- (6) For some reason I don't ever really fill up on this crap

KFC chicken always has that unique chicken taste that tastes like no other chicken on planet Earth. Maybe it's the secret herbs and spices or maybe it's the steroid injections that the scientists give to make their chicken grow extra limbs. Who knows besides the Colonel.

Rating: 5 out of 10

Yasai Japanese Grill ($10.46) Rating: 7

2008-07-14T17:37:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - After stuffing myself all week with a barrage of microwaved fast food meat I decided to treat myself to some Japanese food. The problem with being Single (SingleHell.com) is that it's pretty depressing to eat in a restaurant by yourself. I had to settle for Japanese take-0ut.

Up the street from my apartment there's a very clean tiny restaurant called Yasai - Japanese Grill. (Yasai = Vegetable in Japanese) My parents taught me that the first rule of Asian dining is that If there are no Asians in the restaurant it's probably a bad sign.

There are no Asians that eat at Yasai, ever. The cashier and the waitress are Asian but the cooks inside are all Mexican. I peeked in the back just because I was curious.

I ordered the Chicken and Tempura combo. It comes with Teriyaki Chicken, 6 pieces of assorted Tempura, a Veggie Kabob, Rice, Salad, 4 California rolls, and a drink. It's a lot of food.

I worked all day and was excited to get home and gorge. I changed into my eating clothes (the ones with all the stains and torn sleeves for faster eating) and was surprised to find that they gave me the wrong meal. It was some beef bowl crap and I was pissed.

I changed again and drove back to the restaurant furious. As I walked in one waiter hid in the back and the other one gasped and ran for my correct order. I grabbed it and left without saying a word. I probably should have been nicer but hunger does crazy things to your brain.

Close up of the kabob and some tempura

The salad is actually really good. I don't normally eat salad since I'm a meatatarian but I like this one.

I like Yasai. They've found a way to Americanize all the food and made the place easy to franchise. It could be the Japanese McDonalds. Good place but next time I'm making sure I check my order before I leave.

Rating: 7 out of 10

Jack in the Box: BBQ Sirloin Burger ($4.59)

2008-07-09T20:35:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - It was one of those nights when I was too lazy to put a frozen Hungry Man in the microwave so I got in the car to look for some blog worthy dinner. To my surprise I found a meal that kinda, sorta lived up to its picture.

Meet the Jack in the Box BBQ Sirloin Burger:

"Sirloin" is cut from the lower part of the ribs and is considered the cheapest of the Premium Meats. (Thank you, Google.) Throw a couple of onion rings and bacon on that cheap meaty bad boy and you've got yourself a decent burger.

Wow! This is by far the best looking entry in the Burger Wars I've had so far. If you want to see how gross the others were, look to your right. ---->

"Hey! It doesn't look like vomit!"

Mmm... Savor that Cheap Premium

I normally don't like BBQ burgers because the sauce takes over and kind of numbs your taste buds but this wasn't too bad. The onion rings were still kind of crispy (unlike the BK Steakhouse) and the form looks like it was crafted by Da Vinci himself.

The burger didn't last long. I pounded it as if someone was chanting, "CHEW! CHEW! CHEW!" in the background. A pretty good burger.

Uh oh. Here comes the dreaded nutritional facts:

Jack in the Box: BBQ Sirloin Burger:
Calories - 1010 - Fat - 49g - Sodium - 2190mg - Carbs - 91g

Not too bad! I mean, it's still horrific but compared to the other burgers this is like eating a stick of celery!

Taste ------------- (7) If only I liked BBQ Sauce more
Presentation -----(10) I wanted to paint it
Price ------------- (7) $4.59 Decent price for a burger
Availability ----- (10) 24 Hours and expanding
Quantity --------- (8) Lots of Cheap Premium
Satisfaction ----- (8) Pretty good Burger

Rating: 8 out of 10

You know, I think the packaging made a huge difference. It came in this box instead of just wrapped up in paper. It survived the many bumps on my lowered vehicle with the low profile tires. The Jack in the Box's BBQ Sirloin Burger is definitely the top contender in the Burger Wars. Go eat one.

Hong Kong Palace Dim Sum - ($45)

2008-07-08T12:34:00.000-07:00

Mark Lim - Every holiday we end up at a Chinese restaurant because Asians don't have a word for "day off". Our favorite place to have Dim Sum is at Hong Kong Palace in Rowland Heights California:

What is Dim Sum you ask? Well, think of it like a big county fair but without rides, games, petting zoos, live music, or booths selling space age sponges. They might have live animals though. I've never actually been to the back of the restaurant.

After you are seated the servers come around with either carts or trays carrying a variety of small different food samples that you can ask for. You point to which one you want and they'll mark your ticket with a stamp so they'll know how much to charge you in the end.

Sesame Seed Balls with Meat and Deep Fried Tarot

I took a sneaky shot of people ordering across the room

Umbrella-ed Desserts

Mark and Mom looking full

Dad pointing out the next artery clogging dish

Duck Tongues!!! Weird!

Deep Fried Tarot - It's purple inside

Shrimp balls

Tofu stuffed with mystery white glob

A rice dish that was wrapped in a banana leaf

Mango Jello Dessert

Usually we have to wait for a half our before we're seated because the place is always packed but we came early and were seated right away. The bad thing about showing up early is they don't bring out all the foods so you can either wait in a packed restaurant and get to sample all the foods or you eat right away but don't get to see everything.

My favorite dish is always the deep fried tofu and anything with shrimp. My dad likes the chicken feet and my mom likes the tofu dessert with syrup on top.

There's other awesomely weird foods there like the pork blood and intestine soup. I don't know if I'll ever try that one.

Dim Sum is a really nice way to eat if you are a little adventurous and like to sample lots of different types of dishes. If you have one in your town you should definitely try it :)

The Carl's Jr. Prime Rib Burger ($4.19)

2008-07-03T20:12:00.001-07:00

Mark Lim - When I saw this burger on TV I had a new reason to live. I would get up every morning and ask myself, "Is it time? Is it time to make my burger dreams come true?" I was never more disappointed in my life.

How I pictured my Carl's Jr. Prime Rib Burger:

What it actually looked like:

Wow. There is no Santa Clause.

Most places don't serve their super burgers till 10:30am so I showed up at Carl's Jr. at 10:15am so I would get the first one off the line. When I opened the wrapper my hands became covered in "mystery juice". The burger was flat, chewy, and had the sting of too much horseradish.

I had to force this down

I opened up my burger to see what had been causing the leak and found a violent crime scene of meat. The juice sprayed like it was spitting at me.

The grilled onions were a nice touch but it wasn't enough to save this disaster. They had put way too much horseradish and it was like a punch in the face.

The prime rib was interesting. I thought the whole burger was prime rib but the burger patty just wore it like a hat.

It was hard to look at and even harder to eat. Even though it was covered in juice it was still difficult to swallow. I was pissed.

Carl's Jr. Prime Rib Burger:
Calories - 1060 - Fat - 70g - Sodium - 2940mg - Carbs - 45g

This is one of the most unhealthy things on planet Earth. I wanted to go to the doctor's after eating it.

Taste ------------- (2) No good. No good. Man, no good.
Presentation -----(1) Wow. It was ugly.
Price ------------- (3) $4.19 for this is just criminal
Availability ----- (8) They're everywhere. Stay away.
Quantity --------- (2) Sooo flat
Satisfaction ----- (1) Grossest thing I've eaten in a while

My burger dreams were crushed. Now when I see the TV commercials all I feel is hate. They're tricking you. They're stealing your money. The fat cats at Carl's Jr. are laughing at you. I am this close *makes a tiny gesture with index finger and thumb* to never eating there again. Someone please make a burger that looks and tastes like the picture.

Lizarran Tapas Restaurant ($47)

2008-06-29T23:15:00.000-07:00

Lizarran's is a Spanish Tapas (google it) restaurant with an interesting but flawed concept. It's like an appetizer buffet but each item comes with a toothpick which you place in a little cup after you are done eating. When your meal is finished the server will count how many toothpicks you have in the cup and then give you a bill. It's kind of cool but if you order off the menu your service takes a lot longer because they're too busy doing other stuff.

After you are seated the server explains to you how the place works. There's an appetizer bar with a selection of cold treats (and toothpicks) where you can sample things for yourself and the hot tidbits are brought to you by the server as they come out of the oven. They'll let you know when something new is being passed around by ringing a bell. I felt like I was on a cattle drive and they were ringing one of those chuck wagon dinner triangles.

I thought the selection was very limited but I later found out that they gave me a menu with a few missing pages. I ordered the Paella which is a mixture of rice, muscles, ribs (MISSING), shrimp, chicken, calamari (MISSING), and peas and peppers. I looked all over for the ribs and calamari because those are my two favorite things. Didn't find them.

We didn't really understand the whole toothpick thing so we ended up ordering separate appetizers which turned out to be bad because the server forgot to put our order in. I had to sit and listen to the same Spanish version of Hotel California about half a dozen times before I got any food in me. I don't know why they didn't change the song. Maybe they're huge Eagles fans.

They had a fancy name for this cheese platter but I just called it a cheese platter. Pretty good especially mixed with the next order:

A selection of cured meats

Here's the mini mountain of prosciutto, cheese, and a walnut for crunch on a bruschetta that I made.

My Paella Mixta (with the missing rib meat and calamari)

Tarta Santiago con chupito de Vino dulce (Cake with a shot of wine)

The great thing about this place was that they realized that they didn't serve us all too well and made up for it with extra attention and a couple free desserts. I actually do really respect that and will probably go back because of it. The Tarta Santiago was ok but the the next dessert was much better:

Tarta de Chocolate

This one rocked. It had little chocolate chips on top and was just really damn good. If I'm ever rich and have a wife that married me just for the money I'd eat this for breakfast every day.

The Bill <3

I don't know if I like it when the server puts the little heart by their name because to me it's pretty much like saying, "Yeah, don't forget to tip you cheap bastard". The girl was cute and smiled so I let that one slide.

Taste ------------- (7) Appetizers rocked but paella was sub par
Presentation -----(9) Nice place. Had 2 TVs with the game on.
Price ------------- (5) A bit expensive. $1.75 a toothpick
Availability ----- (4) In Fullerton and maybe somewhere else?
Quantity --------- (7) Lots of food but you paid for it
Service ---------- (8) They made up for forgetting our order
Satisfaction ----- (9) I'll come back but only to drink and snack

The place is not a great restaurant if you want a quite sit down meal with a variety of entree choices or if you hate Eagles cover songs. It is however an awesome place to drink, watch the game, drink, eat appetizers, and drink. I'd definitely go back for the latter.

Sarah's Graduation Party Food (Free!)

2008-06-28T21:58:00.000-07:00

Food always tastes better when it's homemade and free unless it's my world famous microwaved quesadillas made with Kraft Singles that everyone always makes fun of me for. Ok, so I'm no chef but my Uncle Dave and Aunt Debbie are. This weekend we celebrated my little cousin Sarah's high school graduation with a party and lots and lots of home cooked food.

My cousin Sarah and the cake

Uncle Dave Mixing the Fettuccine

BBQ Chicken for the Fettuccine

The Homemade Sausage and Peppers Pizza

The first of many of my trips to the counter of food

I kind of just mixed everything together since it all goes to the same place, right? Oh, my Aunt Debbie makes the best Chinese Chicken Salad.

I always enjoy getting together with my alternative universe Mexican family because they're the ones that took care of me and fed me growing up. I've had plenty of dinners with people I couldn't stand and I can tell you that food always tastes better when you're with people you like.

Taste ------------- (10) Friends and Family are the best side dishes
Presentation ---- (10) Great but Uncle Dave needs central air. It gets hot.
Price ------------- (10) The only way it'd be better is if they'd paid me to eat.
Availability ------ (2) I'll have to wait till the next big event.
Quantity --------- (10) Unlimited always has its consequences
Satisfaction ----- (10) Happy as a clam. I never understood that saying.

I stuffed myself to the point of no return because I knew all I had waiting for me at the apartment was shredded wheat and 2 frozen burger patties. I slept good that night.